Salam Maal Hijrah. :)

1 Muharam 1430 Hijrah.
Semoga lembaran baru ini lebih baik dari yang lalu. Amin.

Doa Awal Tahun Hijrah.
Dengan nama Allah Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang; segala pujian bagi Allah Penguasa sekalian alam; selawat dan salam ke atas junjungan Nabi dan Rasul iaitu penghulu Nabi Muhammad S.A.W dan kepada keluarga serta sahabat baginda sekalian.
Ya Allah, Engkaulah yang kekal; qadim lagi azali dan di atas kelebihan Engkau yang besar; dan kemurahan Engkau yang telah mendatangi kami, kami memohon kepada Engkau pemeliharaan padanya daripada syaitan yang direjam, pembantu-pembantunya dan tentere-tenteranya dan kami memohon pertolongan dari nafsu yang banyak mendorong kepada kejahatan dan kami memohon kepada Engkau untuk melakukan sebarang pekerjaan yang boleh mendekatkan diri kami kepada Engkau.
Ya Allah, Tuhan yang merubah segala keadaan, rubahlah keadaan kami kepada sebaik-baik keadaan dengan kekuasaan dan kurniaan Engkau, wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Pengasih dan Penyayang.

Wahai Tuhan kami, kurniailah kepada kami kebahagiaan di dunia dan kebahagiaan di akhirat dan peliharalah kami dari azab api neraka. Dan cucurilah rahmat dan salam kepada penghulu kami Nabi Muhammad S.A.W dan kepada keluarganya dan para sahabat baginda sekalian. Segala pujian bagi Allah Tuhan Pentadbir seluruh alam.

AMIN.

awesome foursome.

Had to go to GIANT wit ya and ida this morning, to buy adam's n nano's stuffs. mari kembali ke sekolah, ayuh. heh. i miss SMSJ so bad. those were the days, when we were all carefree. and oh,rindu nak beli brg2 skola. *sigh* Lepas tu, they wanted to eat sushi dkt parade. evryone was craving for sushi except for me. A big NO NO. it takes me another half of the year to be able to eat sushi again. make me eat, i'll definetely puke. they know why. lalala.

Setibanya di parade, or to be exact, setibanya di Sushi King, al texted me. "Free utk lunch?" yeah, im all free, lagi2 tatkala perasaan tidak mahu makan sushi yg tidak dapat dibendung lagi. heh. So, they came(al and mimi) and we had lunch at pizza hut. dan kemudiaannya al meminta utk berkaraoke. dan sy hanya menurut perintah(;p), went for karaoke and daytona as well, only two of us. yea.

And oh, the idea of going out for a cendol or minum petang with batch was last minute changed. Instead, we straight away went to Shah Alam to meet my bestie, Annis. She's back in Malaysia, temporarily btw. fyi, mereka mmg terkenal dgn last minute plan. tapi cool. finally, the awesome foursome get to spend time together. :) and the coolest thing, we wore black and white without planning. shweet.

batch is goin back tomolow. till next time when we meet again. take care dear. :) last words, korang yang terindah. teehee. loves.

bestfriend of 6 years.

The awesome foursome. Dulu, Kini dan Selamanya. Insyaallah. :)

Nur Shahira Anuar.
Annis Natalia Abdul Hamed Shah.
Siti Aliah Kamaruddin.
Nur Basirah Borhanuddin.

Deeper Conversation.

Its raining.
And i'm feeling blue.
And I find it hard to close my eyes.
And this song plays on my playlist.
And I just listen to it.
And I know my mind is not here wit me.
Tidak bersatu dengan jasad, lalu semakin menjauh.

And I pray that things will get better tomorrow.
Selamat malam.

Lyrics | Yuna lyrics - Deeper Conversation lyrics
Lyrics | Yuna lyrics - Deeper Conversation lyrics

December baby.

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, happy birthday,
Happy birthday to you.
:)

11/12: Asilah.
Ikhlas.

14/12: Salam.

15/12: Badrul.

22/12: Hairi.

24/12: Haris.

27/12: Baby.

Close your eyes, make a wish, and blow out the candles.
Semoga dirahmati Allah selalu.
Amin.
:)

Buah Hati, Pengarang Jantung. :)

"ohana means family.
family means no one is left behind"

Suatu hakikat kebenaran, keluarga saya adalah kekuatan saya, the real inner strengh.

I went to Concorde, Shah Alam with mama and kak ti this morning, to send my cousins for ESQ(Emotional Spritual Quotient) training. I've attended the course before, in fact dah jadi Alumni pon. Alhamdulillah. :)

Sebenarnya, saya ingin berkongsi sesuatu dgn anda semua. dan jika mampu, mahu saja berkongsi semua cerita yang saya dengar pagi tadi, tetapi terlalu banyak. Semuanya amat bermakna bagi saya, sehinggakan terkadang seperti tidak mampu menahan air mata daripada mengalir. menangis-tersenyum-menangis-ketawa kembali. EMOSI berjaya memainkan peranan dgn begitu baik. ;p

Walaubagaimanapun, antara pelbagai cerita yg diperdengarkan, hati saya begitu terusik tatkala mendengar sebuah kisah seorang gadis tentang keluarganya. Lahir di dalam sebuah keluarga yg besar, dan mempunyai seramai 13 org adik-beradik, apatah lagi dia adalah anak ketiga dan perempuan sulung sekaligus, membuatkannya begitu benci dan jengkel akan adik-adiknya. Beliau sentiasa tertekan dan jurang yg besar terbina antara mereka kerana beliau tidak kisah akan adik-adiknya. Mungkin kerana sentiasa harus berkorban, dan merasakan perhatian yg diberi kurang menjadikan ia sebagai faktor utama.

Sehinggakan ketika ibunya mengandungkan anak yg ke-6, die berkata kepada ibunya:
"Umi, yg kakak tau, kakak tak nak tahu sape dlm perut umi, kakak takkan jage die, kakak tak nak kisah pasal die, dan kakak tak kan sentuh die, die bukan darah daging kakak."

Ya Allah. Bayangkan apa yg saya rasakan tatkala mendengar apa yg keluar dari mulut gadis yg kelihatan begitu naif itu. Ketika itu, saya tidak dapat menahan air mata daripada mengalir.
Hati ini begitu terguris. Satu demi satu wajah adik-beradik saya datang menerpa di bayangan ini.
Pada saat itu juga, hati kecil ini tidak henti-henti memanjatkan rasa syukur yg tidak terhingga kepada Allah. Terima kasih Allah utk segalanya. Terima kasih kerana kasih sayang ini tidak pernah pudar. Terima kasih kerana keakraban persaudaraan kami sentiasa kukuh.
Terima kasih kerana mengurniakanku keluarga yang bahagia.
Terima kasih ma dan pa, kerana melahirkan zuriat yg ramai.

Eight of us. Proudly to say, i am. Because im always grateful to b born in a big family, to b surrounded by many siblings. I'm contented with what i have and i'm happy. Its just wonderful. Especially when having all of em around.
My siblings and i are just so close to each other. we are everyone's EVERYTHING.
And I heart each of em to bits n pieces. Tiada yg lebih, tiada yg kurang. Mereka adalah segalanya.
Yana, Dila, Ida, Ya, Abe, Nano, Adam. <3

Jarang sekali saya meluahkan isi hati saya. Keluarga dan rakan-rakan sering mengatakan sy tiada perasaan. Erti kata lain, emotionless. heh. Mungkin benar, tetapi tiada siapa yg tahu apa yg sebenarnya terbuku di lubuk hati. I always want to express my feelings to the loved ones, but its just hard for me.
When i care, i don't know how to show it, when the fact that god knows how much i care. And i know its hard for me to even say, "I miss you" and "I love you". Bukan ego but its just me. It wont just come out.
Often when they called me, and at the end of conversation, they would say sumthin like i love you n such, but i just kept myself in silence and didnt reply back. Same thing when they texted me. After that selalu akan disappointed wit myself. I'm really sorry. :(
Kalau lah korang tau apa yg ku rasa.

the coolest.

Mama, I love you so much but you know i might not show it.
I really cant stand to see you in pain, because im hurting on the inside too.
Everytime tears start streaming down ur cheeks, I'll try my very best to turn my face away, because i dunt want you to see im crying too.
And at that moment, I know i'm the weakest person on earth.

Ya Rabbi, Kau ambil lah nyawa ku sebelum kau ambil nyawa mereka.
Dan jika ditakdirkan sudah masanya kau mengambil nyawa kami,
matikanlah kami dalam keimanan dan ketaqwaanmu. Amin.

Sekadar renungan.

TANDA HATI MATI.

Jika seseorang melihat orang susah,
Mungkin sakit atau miskin dan papa,
Hati tidak tersentuh, Jiwa tidak simpati,
Sesungguhnya hati itu telah BUTA.

Kalau melihat orang yg mendapat bala,
Jiwa itu tidak derita,
Melihat biasa sahaja,
Tidak merasa apa-apa,
Ketahuilah bahawa kemanusiaannya telah PUNAH.

Sekiranya melihat gunung, langit, pemandangan yg indah,
Hanya terpesona dengan pandangan itu sahaja,
Tidak terasa kehebatan dan kebesaran Allah,
Menunjukkan jiwanya telah MATI.

Setelah melakukan kesalahan dan dosa,
Hatinya masih rasa biasa,
Tidak sekelumit rase takut dan gentar akan Allah,
Ketahuilah bahawa hati itu semakin gelap, hitam dan akhirnya MATI.

(Pesanan dari Kak Ecah):
"Hati ni mcm manusia, kene jaga selalu. kalau manusia, kene mkn n minum utk utk terus hidup, kene jaga selalu supaya sentiasa bersih, segar. mcm tu la hati, kene bg mkn, minum, dan dijaga selalu. kalau tak jaga, hati akan sentiasa kotor, gelap dan paling ditakuti satu hari nanti, ianya akan mati"

I NEED AIR TO BREATHE.

papa.

Dear blog,

I miss papa badly. tak sempat bye-bye papa td.
pa called me this morning when he arrived kuching. "papa tak bye-bye adik pon td" :(
pa told me i was sleeping and he didnt want to wake me up.

now i know i miss the king of my heart dearly.
:(

pics say it all.

Events/Occasions/Activities Of The Week:

11/12/08: Surprise party for clah. Pics arent available anyway. later.

FUNFAIR:



12/12/08: Akad Nikah(Sarah's cousin)


13/12/08: Seminar Fiqh Perubatan, Royal College Of Medicine Perak.




Climax Of The Week:
Abg Hood's Wedding Reception at tropicana golf club. note: family not complete.

Last but not least, My Superhero,
Muhd. Adam Haikal Anuar.
xoxo

bad night.

I lost my IC, license, and 2 ATM cards, sumwhere in funfair. not a good nite for me kot. just made a police report and have to come again tomorow. well, lets just sayy, bad luck?
unfortunately, this is the 2nd time. jadi, lebih bertenang. more calm.
i could still remember the time when i went to sarawak alone, a friend of my sis picked me up from airport, and straight away went to a place, which i couldnt really rememeber. only within a short period of time, when we came back again, kete da kene pecah, barang sume hilang. and i mean, semua. heh. jadii, sehelai sepinggang dtg sarawak. heh. dat was like, a year ago?
takpe, adela hikmah. insyaallah. take it that way, and u'll feel better.

Oh btw, before that, my hsmates and i went for dinner with kak ummul, kak maira and kak dayah, dan juga FUNFAIR. all dizzy now. few of them even vomited due to 'kepeningan yg melampau'.

dann sekarang, just got back from police station. thanks kak ummul, kak dayah n dira teman. dan mahu tido. ya.
it's already 1.27 a.m, so yesterday was clah's bday. selamat hari jadi.
good night. hopefully tomorrow will b a better day. amin.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

A Who-I-Have-To-Meet-List-During-One-Week-Holiday:

• Al
• Batch
• Agy
• Maliq
• Mr. H
• The rest of petite.

Checklist: All tick. Except for last one. titik.
Finallyyy!!

holiday is finally over. will be going back to ipoh tomorow morning.
ape yg penting, cuti berjaya dihabiskan bersama keluarga dan rakan-rakan terdekat. :)

To Mr. H, thank you for today. thank you for the treat, thank you for the big effort. you really made my day. after almost a year of not seeing each other, finally we got to meet. i could see many changes in you, but i like it anyway. thank you for bringing back the memories. thank you for everythin, awk!

Did i tell you i have great bunch of friends? You guys are simply the awesom-est. Thank you for the Bukit Cerakah Outing.
A day to remember: Subang Parade-Bukit Cerakah-Masjid Negeri-Old Town White Coffee-Masjid Al-Falakh-Badminton.

And I have a confession to make;
I trully madly deeply heart each of you to bits and pieces.

Ketika bahagia saat bersamamu,

Ketika kalian peduli akan tangisku,

Ketika kita berjalan bersama,

Untuk Mengejar semua mimpi-mimpi kita,

Dan ketika cinta kita terhentak,

Kita adalah satu.

Tetap kawan selamanya. =)

Selamat tinggal Subang Jaya!

blabbers.

so, i went for medical check up today with ma and abe, and the blood test result's out.
Alhamdulillah,its nothin like SLE. terima kasih Allah. :) my next appointment will b in 2 months time.
after the appointment, papa bought me some chocs. thank you, pa. :D
craving for chocs lately. well, craving for plain cadburry to b specific. pelik pelik lah shahira anuar. and oh, last nite ida took me to T.G.I fridays. na and adam pon menyibuk jugak. usually dila n jo yg bwk, but since dila is too bz wit on-calls and all, nvm la.
thank you for the treat. n thank you slalu kene layan my mengada-ness.
i wurve you, kakak! anda adalah yg terbaik di dunia. you RAWK. :))

................................................................................................................................................................................
"free yourself at 3. will pick you up later."
agyyy!! awk mmg sgt bertuah kann. kelam-kabut gile kt. tak msk lunch lagi, tak mandi lagi, tak solat lagi, tak cari baju lagi, n tak gosok baju lagi! waa.
sorry you had to wait, tp kt da sedaya-upaya siap mcm the flash okay. tu lahh, lain kali tell me earlier.
and oh, packed some of my 'sambal tumis udang' for agy to taste it. later we cook together k?
finallyy. got to meet my agy. went to parade for lunch, but peristiwa lama berulang lagi. sebijik lak tuh. takpe2, kt da biase dan terpakse biasekan diri. da kene curse kot if gi parade dgn awk. ;p then, went to agy's place, stayed there till night. borak-borak sampai penatt. i like it there anyway. sgt cosy. =)

oh btw, after this ill try my very best 'merajinkan' diri mkn ubat. dunt worry too much lah. im fine. u're exactly like man. like sis, like bro la kann. pnat mlm tu kene pakse mkn ubat dgn korg. but told u im a good girl. :)
anyway, thank you for the day, yea.

might b goin out wit man today, but x confirm lagi. we'll see how it goes. waiting for him to msg me. and oh, my cousins will b arriving today. yeayness. selamat datang ke teratak kami and lets rock the world .together we rock yeah. and oh, maliqku, or maliq kami(which one you prefer) da habis exam. double yeay. jom lah korg gi picnic. till then, bye-bye.

mind the so many 'oh's' in this post, okay?

:(

im sorry but i need to let my heart out.

he texted me in the middle of the night asking me: awk percaya emosi n suara hati?
was really mamai when i read the msg, and replied this morning.
so, i asked him wats wit the msg, andd he asked me who was i referring to, regarding the 'suara hati n emosi' post.

i know u read my blog. tak kisahla kan.
when you said you need to know, told you its a random post. and i was referring to anyone who deserves it. not only an individual, sbb bukan sorg cume when i wrote that, i was referring to sumone n u dunt need to know who la kan. does this thing really has to b an issue for u?
you told me the post sumhow bothered you, and awk terase.
whyy? now tell me uve made promises and u werent able to make it?
i was annoyed this morning and i dunt know why.
and i didnt ignore you purposely but ive been really bz. thought you would understand by now.

sy dah pnat sbenarnye. im really tired of this ever since you made the biggest lie.
honestly, do you really care?

cant you see im hurting inside?

• bumped into 'another-he' the other day, and it has been ages. never thought i would see you again. was in denial, and still am, but i sumhow realise sumthin, ive never moved on.talking to you again, it was rather hard for me. pretending is the hardest thing to do.
  

i was in denial, and still living in denial.

• another surprise for me today, i accidentally met her. it was really awkward btwn you and me. i was forever running away from you and everything cuz im scared i might get hurt again. im just scared ill shed into tears again. im not ready to hear the painful words. maybe its just the time to face it, no matter how bad its going to be.
  

another thing, he msged me, and he wants to see me. i want to see you too, but im not ready yet.

my life is full of suprises, no?
this is hard for me. ive always been shadowed by the past. been hurt for countless time, and honestly, im scared of being hurt again. its killing me, for real. please, not this time. please, dunt let this happen again.
shahira kan kene kuat? hmm. :(

aishah, clah, please please please tell me im strong enough to face this. please tell me that ive gone thru too many things in my life, that i will definetely be stronger this time. please tell me ill b fine. please please, will you?

but, one shot? Ya Allah.

=(
=(
=(

bulan dan bintang. =D

Tonite, i witnessed sumthin which totally mesmerize me. Subhanallah. Sgt indah ciptaan Allah.
Two stars and a moon forming a smiley-like. Sgt sgt sgt cantik. i so LOVE. being sumone who loves to stare at the dark-nite-sky with twinkling stars shining brightly around the moon, i was super excited when i saw this. fantabulous view. terus lompat-lompat and panggil my family, and quickly texted my friends. i was really hoping everyone else could see it too, and share the view with me.

smiling still. sy sgt suka! thank you Allah, utk keajaiban ini. :D

khas utk annis, batch, al, clah, maliq, syam n na.
dan semualah cinta hati saya. semoga berpuas hati semuanya. ;p

the real one is wayy better than dis, trust me. tapi x berjaye amik. sorry korg.

later on, satu bintang da hilang. dan, sy sgt hampa. no mo smiley for me. :(
tp takpelah, grateful enough. :)
thank you badrul for this picture. sgtttt gembira. :)

oh bintang, dirimu begitu indah.
berkerlipan menerangi cakerawala.
begitu juga dirimu rembulan.
sinaran yg lembut dan redup menghidupkan malam.

p/s: if u cant sleep, try to count the stars in the skies. like i do. mesti boleh tido. ;p

emosi atau suara hati.

if u think u love sumone, then think again. to like sumone and to love are 2 diff things. maybe u just care.
jelasnya, emosi dan suara hati adalah dua perkara yg berbeda.
dari suara hati, maka lahirlah emosi.
dan sering kali, emosi yg merajai diri kita, tanpa kt sedari suara hati sebenar.
dahla, im gettin confused here. u wont get the point pon. heh.

anddd, please please if u cant make it, then why bother to make one?

promises arent mend to be broken tauu.

benci. its easier said than done okayy?
bukan marah, tapi im very disappointed with you. lain kali jgn janji da. its better.

ini adalah suara hati sebenar. not that emotions thingy.

enough of that.

went for blood test yesterday. another assumption: SLE.
results will b out nx week. wish me luck. hee.

missing-the-girls-mode.

in mood for:
-futsal
-paint-ball
-go-kart

dannn
-daytona with the girls would be fun.

i need a girls-day-out. annis, al, batch, na, nak korgg bole? pinjam satu hari pon jadi lah.
anddd also a bonding-session with the petite. pretty please?
pija, mimi, syaza, liyana, amalina, sarah, hanis. its been ages. kt rindu koranggg. btol tak tipu.

to agyyy,kt rindu awk sgt2. nak jumpe!
aisyah, si budak kechik yg super naughty, dan fairuz: kt teringat korg. n kt nak jumpe korg. rindu. =(
rajer: i miss the good all days. i mean it.
pia: its been a whileeeee. im sorry i coudnt find time to make it.

swear i super miss high school. those were the days.

No reason why.

No reason why.

my condition is gettin worse from time to time. in fact, this time its the worse. i cant really explain, its just, hmm, hard to explain. today is the third day, and am still feeling very weak. i couldnt recall when it exactly happened, but sumwhere in April, when i was in pasum, but it wasnt that bad during that period of time.

its nothin serious, but im suffering, to tell you the truth. only god knows. the symptoms start showing off every month, and from month to month, its becoming even worse. took few tablets of painkiller, but still sakit. sgtt2 lemah. ive been sleeping all day, and i just couldnt do anythin. i even walked like a zombie. everyone was asking me wats wrong with me, tapi ntahhh. susah nak ckp. when i get to know the main reason, ill let you know.

my 2 sisters who are in medical line cant figure out what the main prob is. in fact, the last time i had this 'thing', went to clinic but the doctor said he didnt know wats the real prob n causes and he's not ashamed to tell me that it was the first time he saw a case like this. and the next thing i did was went to see one of final year's lecturers who's also a specialist, and he told me that it has got sumthin to do wit hormones, and i had to take stronger pain killer.

as i mentioned before, this time, its the worse. texted my sis last nite and told her about my condition. and he told my mum. few minutes later, i got a non-stop msgs and calls from my family. this morning, my parents came all the way from kl, and brought me to ipoh specialist hospital. another assumption made-severe drug allergy. the doctor said its bad and very unusual, but she told me not to worry. made an appointment and i've to come again to take blood test, med check-up and etc. then only the main cause will b identified. and now im in kl, 2 days earlier before hols start.
sorry ma and pa, for troubling you.

too many assumptions people have made everytime they see me. kadang2 rase nak gelak.
tp xpelah, people wont understand. only those who know understand what am i goin thru.
insyallah everything will be fine, but only time matters. :)

few symptoms: bruises, swelling, redness, pain, bleeding, etc.
mcm imflammation pulak. ;p

The 5 people I tag are to then to follow my footsteps and write their own 10 weird things/habits and little known facts.
- No tag backs (as in once I’ve done this, please don’t tag this exact tag again.)

Lets change the rules. Instead of 10 weird things, you can list out as many as you want. :)

One.
I love cheesy food but i can never eat cheese cake bcause it causes migraine really. and no coffee flavor at all, please. migraine jugak.

Two.
I can smile and laugh all of a sudden in a middle of conversations or no conversations because I tend to remember all those funny funny moments like tibe2 je. I have many many ways of laughing. trust me. haha.

Three.
I love the smell of petrol in petrol kiosk, the smell of the grass after rain, and and bau asap yg mcm dkt kampung. its diff tau. not the smell of pollutions tuh. entahla, xtau nak explain.

Four.
Suke org main2 tangan or kaki or kepala especially when im sleepy. but currently tangan la. main2 as in gosok or geletek. eheh. dulu, me and nano sure akan main kaki each other before tido. and while papa bace yasin after prayers, i love to sleep on his lap and papa akan gosok2 my forehead. tapi, nano and adam selalu jealous and sibuk! slalu jugak suro sape2 main tangan. now my friends lah jadi mangsa. ;p

Five.
I prefer to 'siang ikan' than 'potong ayam' as in potong ayam from the whole chicken to the smaller parts(thigh, wing, etc). tak suke sgt. especially when frozen.

Six.
I have this fear of driving, mayb because got myself into few accidents. trauma.
and scared of height as well. sgt gayat if i were to look down from high suface. even from 2nd floor pon tak bole. because when i was in standard 3, i fell down from high place and broke my leg. my friend tolak dat time. =(

Seven.
I dont like fresh flowers. really. sure they are nice. tapi cepat layu. x suke. nak simpan lame2. so, prefer bunga kertas or plastik. huhu.

Eight.
I tend to think crucially and I have a weird imagination. Swear its true. suke sgt fikir bende2 pelik. dulu kak emi selalu marah sbb suke fikir pelik2. and I like to apply the 'what ifs' theory. haha. rite now, in ipoh, everytime lalu tepi semak dkt my house, sure akan ckp, "what if tibe2 ular sawa ke kuar lalu dpn kt, dr semak nih." eheh.

Nine.I love to keep simple2 notes. More to I love it when sumone writes to me. I'll really appreciate it. Even simple2 words are meaningful enough for me. Sentimental value kot. and could b part of memory. :)

Ten.
I have this bad habit of accidentally sending msgs to wrong person. Selalu sgt kot. And please dunt talk to me while im typing msg. sbb kan I tend to type what you say, or I'll send that msg to person that you mention. tak focus sgt. kadang2 if tgh serabut or tak btol pon bole salah send. my badd.

Eleven.The thing with me is I can travel alone, and I can shop alone, or wander around the mall alone, tapi i can never eat alone. Slalu kene ade org teman makan if tak, mcm no apetite to eat.

Twelve.
I prefer to watch ghost stories or movies than cite yg kejam and bunuh2. sgt ngilu and tak bole tgk. I'm the odd one compare to my housemates.

Thirteen.
I tend to like a guy that has sumthin in similar with the ones from the past. maybe sbb its really hard to move on. pathetic actually.

Fourteen.I get blush easily. and the thing that i cant accept until now, kadang2 malu wit the same sex sgt teruk compare to opp. sex. da byk kali mcm tuh especially dkt pasum dulu. my friends sume ckp pelik. tapi xpe la, nak bwat mcm mane.

The end of list. =)
People think I'm weird because:
Close Friends:
My bestie: you like to act cute when you know you are!
Hanif: u ni suke bende org x suke, n u xtau u ni kadang2 pelik.
Agy: you get blush easily!
Aishah: Boleh pendam perasaan lame2.
Haris : Awk sgt pelik, i cant tell ur happy, or sad, cant even know ur boring or amused, how busy u r, what u think of me, what u hate or like, nothin at all.
(i didnt know im that complex)

Siblings:
Ida: Ckp skema in classic malay. Ngehehe.
Yana: The way u laugh.
Ya: The way u talk.
Abe: Anda sgt membuatkan abe bahagia and akan keluar bilik kalau hang balik.
Nano: Comel? Baik? aha.

Sekian. I loike this tag, because its so me. thanx batch. ;p

People I Tag:
maliq
na
rajer
syam
badrul. =)

My Mr. Melon.

My Mr. Melon. Love you. <3

went back again this weekend because of some family matters, didnt plan to go back actually, but after receiving a phone call from ida, rushed to kl immediately after class.

sorry tarik diri last minute from kem. :((

last nite, i had to teman ida to fetch yana and reza at airport and straight away went to mydin to buy some of adam's stuffs. i did the packing for him, since everyone was busy wit some other things. adam was so excited, till he stayed up late and acted restlessly as usual la kan. dah la sgt manja and mengade smalam. nasib la adik kene layan adam. adik yg jadi mangsa.

now that adam is not around, everyone started to miss you already.

senyap dah rumah adam xde. will see you in 2 weeks time, muhd adam haikal. hope you enjoy urself there. jgn homesick k? :)

today, yana, reza, dila, jo,ida sent me off to jalan duta. serupa nak pg mane la kan. ipoh je kot. haha.

tapii, first time emosi balik ipoh. mayb because of some reasons kot. biarlah.

thank you kakak(s) and abang(s). ida jgn sedih2 k? but if im in ur place, mayb even worse kot. huhu.

ma and pa,

please take care of yourselves.

you'll always b in my prayers.

i cant stand to see you in pain.

i might not show it, but i can feel it too. :((

just wanna let you know,

i love you both, more than anythin else in this world.

abe and nano, take care k?

and ya, who's miles away, balik cepattt. i miss you!

gone.

Ive been planning to make the next visit to see my patient as soon as possible.
Thought of meeting her tomorow, in case there's a free time tomorow.
So, made a phone call. Called few times but couldnt reach her.
Tried to call her daughter as well, but the son-in-law answered.
So, talked to him, and told him to pass the line to my patient.

Shockingly, he answered: Kalai Selvi dah meninggal.

At first, I wasnt so sure, and asked him again.
The moment he told me the details and all, my heart stopped beating.

Betapa besarnya kekuasaan mu Ya Allah,
Engkau mampu mengambil nyawa hambamu bila-bila yg kau mahu.

This happens to be my first patient and the only patient that I have.
The last time I met her was in the end of August and she passed away on the 17th of September.
Never thought that it was the first and the last time I met her.
May you rest in peace.

I know i've to go thru this alone, since my CAS partner, Jad has left me for India.
Ya Allah,sakitnya perasaan ini. i just cant stop crying.

Now baru adik tau mcm mane dila and ya rase when ur patients died. It hurts so much, too painful to take it.
This is the beginning of the chapter in my life, there'll be many more to come.
Shahira, you have to be strong.

:((

To. Mr. H.

I guess I miss you. dats why im writing this.
I'm so sure that you wont be reading this, but its okay.

To you, who used to be my only bbf.

Chapter 1:
There was a jamuan on something back in form 4, during that particular time, you thought i liked some other guy anddd I could clearly remember u're teasing me mcm ape until I got blushed. Mase tuh, sumpah penat kene kacau. we didnt talk much before that, suddenly kene kacau mcm ape this one day. and right after that, we became close. Coincidently.

Chapter 2:
When most of my close friends especially annis and al left for boarding schools, I was a bit lost and it was the time you started to play your part. Starting from there onwards, we became super close, and even closer in form 5.
form 5: probs here and there, everyone was not okay, and facing huge probs including petite. I had no one to turn to. Annis was busy in ktj, susah contact and etc, so the only person I had that time was you.

You never failed to be there for me. You're with me, in every steps i took, being a part of me, a part of my life, and most important thing, my biggest STRENGTH. you know i dont tell probs to my family, and you're always there to listen from a tiny lil bit of it to the most complicated one.

Slowly, the leaves of memory falls.
Slowly, i'll gather and pick them all.

Chapter 3:
Too many memories with you, that it is so hard for me to forget them.
You texted me every single day. Before i woke up, until before going to bed. Even jumpe evryday pon, sure ade bende nak ckp. During ramadhan, sahur time, after terawih. if exam, we both stayed awake and one of us tolong kejotkan if nak tido kejap and bangun study. You called me in the middle of the night, sent me voice sms n stuffs when we both couldnt sleep. :(

Everytime i fell sick, you were so worried abt me. You know I hate going to clinics, and I hate to take meds. and u forced me to take them. and you never get tired of asking me whether im alryte. everytime i wasnt okay, and u saw me at school, balik2 je, awk msg tanye sy okay or tak.
You know everytime i cried, and sy pernah ckp u're the only guy yg sy x malu if nangis dpn awk. still remember? You know i got hurt easily back then kan?
My family knew how close we were. Ingat tak the night u texted me, and u came. after that je, I cried like crazy. evryone was so worried abt me, and you got the blame. they thought it was because of you, when we both know that its because of sumthin else. and the day I went home late, my mum called you in school, asking you abt me and all.

We used to have silly fights over sumthin, and slalunye sbb bende kecik. you know how childish we acted, tapi slalu kejap je gado. no matter how ego pon, one of us akan msg ckp x tahan gado, and we cant live without each other. the worst part when we had this misunderstanding, and u're still with ur ex that time. I told you to forget me, and stop msging me all. tapi we both got hurt badly.

You know i was so scared of lightning n thunder. Evrytime it rained heavily, i sms-ed u. awk tau sy takot. and evrytime hujan lebat, awk tanye sy okay ke tak, and whether im alone. there was this one time, when it was raining heavily, i was alone in school. awk tau sy takot, and you came to teman me. after that, awk ajak ikot for ur hand ball practise.

You know im having a great fear of being alone. dulu, u always walked me to school, everytime after tuition. and there was this one day, awk tak teman sbb kt gado. after that, sy kene ragut and i felt like crying that time. sy terus msg awk, and you were so worried abt me.

There was this one time I was so pissed off dgn sumone. I was with that particular person that time, and sy x tahan duduk situ. sy nak balik. I texted you, sbb ure bz working that time. awk terus call and ckp nak amik sy, though tgh keje.

My birthday in form 5, u and ur friends threw a surprise party for me. I got a frame with ur picture, and the other two(you know who).
My birthday before entering pasum, I was sleeping and you called me to get ready.
We went out, and xtau nak pg mane. end up, lepak dkt starbucks. sat and talked
you made my day. thank you. :)

Ingat tak lagi when we went out for a movie with others, you said you wanted to tell me sumthin but its gonna b a surpise. and that was what others told me too. You told me to wait until tues. tapi mcm nak gile that time. sume tau, and i was the only person tak tau. finally, got to know from my bestfriend. you're goin for umrah, and u didnt tell me. i was supposed to be the first to know, tapi jd the last to know, sgtt sedih. and i couldnt accept ur reasons that time. awk takot sy sedih thats why xnak bgtau. mmg merajuk gile that time and bwat mogok. told you to msg me after balik umrah je, and jgn msg before that. tp last2, tak sampai hati sbb awk ckp nanti awk x tenang dkt sane. before boarding, awk ckp awk akan msg when dah dkt sane, I waited for ur msg, and u didnt disappoint me. you texted me when u're in makkah. :)

The last time i could remember with you, when you came over and had lunch with me back in pasum.

Chapter 4:
We fought over sumthin which I couldnt really remember. and this time, its the worse. I deleted everythin about u, ur number, ur msgs and etc sbb thats the only way i thought i could forget you. and awk dah x contact langsong, not even a raya msg. sgtt sedih k. that time, i told myself i've lost you forever. my pasum friends knew how bad i was during that period of time especially aishah. you left me just like that after so many things we've been thru.
You once told me, u didnt want to lose me, and u'd rather stay single than losing me. guess those words are only words kan?

The only thing i hate the most to be in subang is, everything reminds me of you. Subang reminds me a lot of you. Memories that can never be erased.

Warisan wanita terakhir
Jiwa raga ku serah
Kau ingin milik segalanya
Di mana kasihmu tiada kau memberi
Apa yang ku perlu hanya kau dapat memberi
Hanya satu yang ku pinta kasih
Kau warisan wanita yang terakhir,
(WARISAN WANITA TERAKHIR:TEACHER'S PET)

Our fav song. :)

These are the moments,
I thank god that im alive.
These are the moments,
I remember all my life,
I found all ive waited for,
And I couldnt ask for more.
(I COUDNT ASK FOR MORE:EDWIN MCCAIN)

The song I dedicated to you, and you liked it. :)

Now that things are okay btwn us, but it'll never be the same as before.
People changed. Things changed. Evrythin is no longer the same.
and I know I dont have you.
Things are gettin awkward btwn us.
But i'll just pray for the best.

"Wherever you go, i'll be two steps behind you."

I used to tell you that, but after what had happened, me myself am not sure whether I can make it.

Trying to forget you is
like trying to remember someone I
never met.
A million words wouldn't bring you
back.
I know because I've tried. Neither
would
a million tears. I know because I've
cried.

Sat/8 NOV 08/16:16//
I: *******, I miss you!
He: hello dear, miss you too! tgh dkt mane ni?
I: dkt subang. tak balik subang ke? nak jumpe!
He: Disember ni i ade dkt subang. Nanti kite jumpe ek?

To you: I cant wait to tell that im no longer the old shahira. I want you to know that im stronger that before, and I dunt easily get hurt. I'm no longer fragile, and im not a cry-baby nemore. I want to make you become proud of me. :)