yes, we were jobless.

and yes, we've gone crazy over those seluar kotak-kotak which me thinks are super duper adorable.kann? ;p

dear bestfriend.

Thank God I found you,
I was lost without you,
My every wish and every dream,
Somehow became reality,
When you brought the sunlight,
Completed my whole life,
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude,
Cause baby I'm so thankful
I found you.

p/s: our favourite since like forever! :D

i tried writing a poem for you.

i even ask the stars at night and the sweet defodils,
then i ask the sunshine and the moonlite on what i should write,
they smile to me and left me in wonders.
i thought for hours until i finally figure it out,
but all i could only write was 3 words.
'i miss you'

random.

this is a random post. i need to rant, but i guess im not used to it anymo.

i need to tell, or at least say sumthin, but at the end of the day, nothin will come out from moi, like usual.

humans are fuelled by lust and desire, its so freaking true, no?

i never take things lightly, and i think a whole lot of evrything in the most complicated way.
at least before im off to bed, i need to think, like really really think.

the probability for me to miss sumone whenever the rain falls down is high, i tell you. and i have to double agree with myself. thats when the memoirs come along too. *sighhh*

i miss travelling, BIG time. being a traveller is a major fun. there's sumthin about it. i wish i could travel all around the world by myself, one fine day. one fact about me, im not a fan of shopping. i dont shop like the other girls normally do. i'd rather go to places where the view are naturally breathtaking,where i would just sit queitly and stare at its best. it would be more than enough for me. its a theraphy, of tranquility. :)

im on my one week break. done with endocrine exam. SSM's comin up. take a chill pill, yaw.
im off to melaka tomorow morning. need the new air. was literally half 'insane' and i have to keep myself sane again. heh.

off to bed now, righteo?
nightey, dont let the bed bugs bite alryte. :D

27/9/09:

As the bus was about to begin the journey;
1 message received:

kakak: Sedih =( bubbye adikto. Love u!
adik: Bye2. Love you three.

........................................................................

an hour later:
kakak: I miss you so much la berra. Sdey. =(
adik: whyla.
kakak: Sdeyla. We didnt really spend time 2gether.
adik: haiyo. whyla so emo.
kakak: Dunno. feel like crying. huhu.
adik: haila. chill la mokcik.


As I was browsing thru fb:
Adam Anuar: boring adik takde.dahla kak ya balik hari selasa :(
Aliaa Anuar: MISSES ADIK ALREADY. =(
Adila Anuar: yeah,miss adik too
Hidayah Anuar: me three =<

Muhd Faiz: me 4 bleh?

dats when i realised my eyes started to become all teary.
to kakak: tell me where can i find another kakak who bersusah payah uruskan my laptop when i definetely knew nothing about it and said to me "anything for you, adik", who brought back books all the way from swak just because i wanted em so badly, and bought them some more and wrapped it up when i kept on bugging u to buy me those books, who kept on texting and calling me while im in ipoh just to ask me how am i doing and to make sure im coping well with the studies and exams, although i neglected u most of the time and didnt really show u how i care for u.

this is for u, ya mok2, i loveeeeeeeeeeeee youuu banyak2. hee. jgn homesick2 dkt sana. less than a year left and ull be back for good. chaiyok2. and also to my other siblings. u guys have always been my favourites and will always be. aint no other. kekuatan saya! :)

La Tahzan.

"Bila kau memandang segalanya dari Tuhanmu,
yang menciptakan segalanya,
yang menimpakan ujian,
yang menjadikan hatimu sakit,
yang membuatkan keinginanmu terhalang dan menguji hidupmu,
pasti akan damailah hatimu kerana masakan Dia sengaja mentakdirkan segalanya sesuatu
yang sia-sia,
bukan Dia tidak tahu deritanya hidupmu, retaknya hatimu,
tapi mungkin itulah yang Dia mahu,
kerana Dia tahu hati beginilah yang selalunya lebih lunak dan mudah utk dekat dan akrab
dengan-Nya."

p/s: thanx mel. it helps a lot.

O'Allah, i need you. please come into my heart. aminn.

please be strong. Allah is wit u, always. =)

Dear friend,

please be strong and hang in there. i know u're such a fighter, azwan. looking at ur condition yesterday has put me into tears, but miracle happens anytime, God is great. i'm wishing for ur speedy recovery. our prayers will always be with you. please wake up, dear friend. ur family and friends are all waiting for you. everybody loves you. u'll make it thru, insyaAllah. may Allah bless you. amin.

p/s: we need your prayers, people. thank you.

jupiter. <3

ignore the title of this post anyway. it has got nothin to do wit the post but it surely has its own significance. :)

Langkawi trip was simply the best. the crowd, the place, the view, semua lah=awesome-est. Big thanks to my dearest kakak, ekin, shidot,izyan, usman, razi, safwan and org2 penting who made it, and also to the whole bunch as well, korg sgt best. :D




hopefully nx time, semua dpt join, n im sure its gonna be fun, the more the merrier ritee?

not planning to tell the details about the whole journey, cuz i'm sure its gonna be pretty long, BUT here are some details about the trip and let the pics do the rest. pics say it all kan? for more pics, tgk dkt fb k?

Theme song: Kau Ilhamku. :)

Day 1: arrived Chenang Rest House at around 6 p.m, beach activities, later at night we went for a walk along the night market,followed by guitar session near the beach.

Day 2: wanted to watch the sunrise but guess we're late although it was only 7 sumthin in the morning. sgt hampa but still menaruh harapan for the next day. heh. went for Island Hopping, the part I like the most. first stop, Tasik Dayang Bunting,where most of us took a ride on paddle boats around the lake. nicee. were then headed for Pulau Singa n last but not least, Pulau Beras Basah. after lunch we went to Underwaterworld sbb semua semangat tgk penguin. chomel gile k.
Later in the evening, Banana Boat timee, n oh, Ijol, raden and I did parasailing. the view from above during sunset was really fascinating. sgt terpaku tgk, sgt indah ciptaan tuhan. Subhanallah.


malam pulak sesi Bbq. the food was good, and we totally enjoyed the nite. thanx rakan2. another guitar session was made, took a walk along the beach wit shifaa, ekin n caien while melayan perasaan. gonna miss dat moment, Big time. :) sambung pulak dgn sesi teka-teki and it was hilarious, i tell u. keke Usman, si juara teka-teki. *claps*



Day 3: went for a walk in the morning. again, didnt get to watch the sunrise. *sigh* but it was sooooo windy. cuaca yg sempurna, me likey. teehee. went to Beras Terbakar and Pekan Kuah, tapi syg tak dpt naik cable car bcause of the weather. takpelah, nx time. ready to go home, had to go thru another longggg journey and I didnt sleep at all thru out the journey(in the bus) sbb sgt restless but not in the ferry sbb i was too drowsy, am sure everyone else did. thats about it. :)

trully,madly,deeply,

p/s: no mo waking up to the sound of waves. *sighh*, but I had enough of travelling. Kelantan, Sabah and Langkawi are definetely sweet moments to remember. :)

bubble tea!

Issues.

1)I'm craving for bubble tea badlyyyyyy. I want bubble tea, pretty please? kenapa kempunan sgt ni. haiyo. and why is it so hard to find one in Ipoh.

2)Why is it so hard to get things off my mind and why cant I just close my eyes and sleep?

3)Bulan sgtt indah mlm ni. :))

4)Hujan rintik-rintik. me likey.

5)I'm soooo into Karambunai. me definetely has no idea, but there's definetely sumthin about it.

6)Ive been thinking a lottttttt through out the day. why oh whyy. thinking with real deep thoughts pulak tuh. pastu mula lah melayan perasaan. not good. hobi yg sudah sekian lama tidak
diamalkan.

7)"I've got my pride, I'll not cry, but its making me weak". something is distracting me again. go away, oh please.

8)I shoudnt get distracted sepatutnya. shud have done wit Dyspepsia. ILA oh ILA..

9)Me thinks 2nd year topics are tougher than first year syllabus.

10)Say hello to my new BUDDY. :))

11)Feels better after talking to maliq today, annis semalam. sy perlu membebel utk tidak terus berfikir. :)

12) Cant wait to go homeee. Friday, it is. It is Friday, I'm in love. whatever yeah.

11)Might be going to Langkawi. bole pg beach lagi. yeay. :))



My housemates are away, now you know why I sounded so pathetic kan. patut lahhh.
Loneliness starts to sink in. I miss home, I miss Adam and Nano, I miss starlight, I miss Annis Natalia, I miss some people.

Since when, shahira?

Stand by me.

you're my wonderwall.

current mood: emosi+kemalasan yg nyata.

its been ages since i last updated my blog, i know riteee. the thing is, ive been too bz, making full use of 2 months hols n cant believe its gonna end soon. nak cuti lagi boleh? serious mcm tak sempat merasa bosan cuti ni. in fact, tak terasa nak balik ipoh langsong. weirdo. anyhoo, sila berpijak di bumi yg nyata. say goodbye to phase IA n welcome to phase IB. fuhh.

i had a quality time wit the loved ones. in fact, am pretty satisfied that i finally had the chance to meet some of my pasum friends, and my subang friends as well. bbq was awesome, thank you people. *thumbs up* at least i don't feel guilty for not being able to spend time with you people. hope to see you again, especially u, pia. harap2 dpt jumpe before awk fly.
to my dearest annis, thanks for the time. seriously sgt happy dpt jumpe awk cuti nih. i love you more. hee. :))

oh btw, sabah trip was a blast, i must say. priceless experience! gonna update soon. thanks to my partner, shifaa dear. see u in ipoh aite?

sgtttt sedih nak berpisah dgn family. tapi ipoh je ponn. mayb sbb cuti lame sgt kot. gonna miss u, adik-adikku, and the rest. BIG time. loves.

cuz maybe,
you're gonna be the one that saves me,
and after all,
you're my WONDERWALL.

ohana.

i actually did this, long long time ago...

no more.

i aint affected. fullstop.

i'm doing just fine.
getting along very well.


premis 1: shahira anuar sudah tidak rapuh lagi.

premis 2: shahira anuar tidak terkesan olehnya.

konklusi: shahira anuar tidak terkesan olehnya maka beliau sudah tidak rapuh lagi.

exactly.
coolness ay. bravo anda, bravo. *claps*

simple reminder.

"finally, u've reached your final lap. sikit je lagi. you're gonna make thru it, alryte." sumone used to tell me that. at that very moment, i told myself, sikit je lagi, bertahan shahira, bertahan. but dat was few years ago. i always thought i was at the end of the road, sampai jugak akhirnya. tapi, as years passing by, and at this point,i know the journey has just started. infact,only few simple footsteps were made. still a very longg long wayy to go, yes indeed. thank you Allah that ive made thru it. thank you ma and pa, sentiasa doakan adik. and to evryone else, thank you for the never ending support and prayers. :)

Dear Shahira Anuar,
this is not your achievement, nothing to be proud of, nothing to be boast about.

"Ya Allah, engkau hadir dalam setiap langkah hidupku. Sesungguhnya, aku yakin sesuatu yang berlaku itu dengan kekuasaan-Mu dan keizinan-Mu jua. Semua ini milik mu Ya Allah. Jadikanlah aku hamba-Mu yang bersyukur, yang tidak pernah lupa akan nikmat-Mu. Sesungguhnya kekuatan dalam diri ini hanya dari-Mu, Ya Allah.
thank you Allah."


Kadang-kadang kita terduduk dan menangis, sehingga merasakan diri ini terlalu lemah. ujian demi ujian, tapi semua itu datang dari Allah.
tapi yakinlah, Allah sentiasa ada bersama kita.

Never in my life, im giving up on myself. i believe in faith, i believe in Allah, wit dat i know there's no reason for you to give up. everyone deserves a second chance, faith is all you need.

A year has passed by, wit many more to come. be strong shahira, you're gonna make it thru it all, insyaallah.
welcome to phase IB. :)

for those who didn't make it, be strong. bukan rezeki lagi.
sumthin for you, hopefully it helps.

Allah S.W.T has 3 replies to our Dua:
1)'Yes'
2)'Yes' but not now.
3) I have better plan for you.
there's never a NO. just have faith and keep on praying.

we're with you, always. good luck. :)

for the past 7 days in a row; more or less, i had dis terrible nightmare. bukan nightmare dah kot. daymare skali. is there such word? heh. its like, everytime i sleep, be it day or night, even when i took a short nap pon bole mimpi teruk. gotta figure out why. tapi evrytime before tido mesti baca doa and basuh kaki. but still, mimpi teruk jugak. teruk or a real weird dream, its a must. those dreams were so real that sumtimes,i couldnt wake myself up, or unable to get back to sleep, either one.

sampai to the extent i could feel dat i was forcing myself so hard to open up my eyes simply because i want to end those dreams. physically, mentally, emotionally tired. i can feel the strong, unpleasant, mixed-up emotions all over me. pernah one day, i woke up shockingly and terus terduduk and cried as hard as i could. everytime lepas bangun, praise be to Allah, those were only dreams. Alhamdulillah.


Musculoskeletal-Skin System exam is over but dis time, its not the usual relieved feeling after exam, instead, perasaan yg tidak enak menanti Final Of Phase 1A exam. sindrom pra peperiksaan major.

note to myself: please please please study.
note to rakan2 serumah: selamat berjuang rakan-rakanku. we'll do this together.
and to the the rest, chaiyok2. ; )

tirot, shirot, dibot, radenot/dinot, silot.


note to Lulu and Tobby: mummy will b away for a while. duduk elok2 dgn silot k?




hmm, bunga dah layu pon. tak pandai jaga.

sebelum layu.

would i be out of line, if I say i miss you?

.............................
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.................................................................
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i wonder why. now i know, its raining outside. thats about it. enough. yerp.


its been raining heavily, day and night. tp takpe. sy tak kisah. sy suka. :)
and guess wat, we were playing happily in the rain. main hujan tak ingat. the thing dat ive always wanted to do. try it, its fun tau. pastu pening, pastu sakit tekak, padan muka. heh.

yesterday i was a princess,
today i am back into reality.

i'm still confused, but watever it takes, i'll take one step at a time, slowly, i will.


he played few songs wit his guitar for me.
and you even sang kan? eheh.
lemme tell you that u've made my day, so thank you.
:D


.............................
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.................................................
..........................................................


can i still be princess tomorrow?

goodbye.

hazman will b flying off to germany soon to further his studies.
bye-bye hazman hilmi.
take care and best wishes in evrythin you do aite. :)

reminiscing the memories.

2007, Dewan Tunku Chanselor, Universiti Malaya(Orientation week);

"Hye, name awk ape? sy shahira, ni roomate sy"
with a pure innocent face, she smiled and replied, "sy aishah"
"awk duduk floor mane?"
"sy duduk tingkat 3, blook D"
"eh, samela kt, bilik no brape?" "307"


dats how it started. coincidentally, kt duduk satu floor kan? kt, 301, awk n mira, 307. then, since dat, start baik. pg lecture, mkn sume skali(dat time tak separate class lg). the day mira lost her hp which is a long story, remember makcik kerepek? we all got closer kan? as the time passed by, the real you revealed. mmg salah gle first impression towards awk? at least, not me alone yg fikir mcm tu kan? ahah. aishah, aishah.. definetely sumone who is very unique indeed, and unpredictable too. tp sbb perangai awk yg pelik tu lah yg lg bwat kt rapat. saying sumthin sweet to you is definetely pelik. being mushy wit you lagi laa tak. mcm geli kan? in fact, since kat pasum pon gune "daku anda", tak pon "wa, lu". tp dgn lu sorg je la mek. sbb lu satu2nye makhluk pelik yg wa pernah jumpe kat muka bumi ni. so, lets just proceed wit dis. wa dpt bygkan ur facial expression tatkala you read dis. mesti rase cam nak blasah wa kan, like u used to do back in pasum. tp too bad lah, lu jauh. ;p mek, sejak kt da terpisah antara 2 benua ni, da xde org melakukan keganasan terhadap wa, sbb lu xde. aman. tp kadang2 rindu gak. sbb lu sorg je suke bully wa mcm tu. kat pasum dulu pon, sume org kesian tgk wa asyik kene bully dgn lu, nasib kak emi suke back up wa. n nasib gak wa baikkk. heh. wa ingat lg dulu lu suke sgt cari gado dgn wa. wa pon x faham. tgk org lain mane ade lu bully. enggak fair dong. daku tidak faham anda.




you see, we've known each other only within short period of time. approximately a year. but it seems like i've known you since like forever. and the truth is, you're the only person who know me even more than i do. funny ay. mayb sbb first time in my life, i live wit sumone else, other than my very own family. even my subg friends yg dah knal for how many years pon, still don't discover many things about me. anda? sume baik buruk daku pon anda da tgk kan. heh. its simply because we lived together for a year. susah senang same2. jiwang lak daku. xpela, alang2 da jiwang, baik daku teruskan je.


i could still remember all those sweet and bitter moments we've gone thru together, i mean all of us back in pasum. but most of em were the sweet moments. but among all, you're the closest to me. sampai diorg pon panggil kembar. kembar x seiras, definetely but many similarities and the strong bond btwn us. di mane ade aishah, di situ ade shahira, or vice versa. heh. gado2 slalu pon, lu jugak yg wa cari. lu faham2 je wa kan. wa ingat lagi, lu balik2 class je, mesti jenguk bilik wa. and evrytime habis class sure akan msg ke, beli mknn skali, and wa mesti suro lu teman wa mkn. sbb lu tau wa mmg x bole mkn sorg2. pastu wa pon akan cite pape yg berlaku n lu dgr. walaupon lu suke membebel, tapi lu slalu dgr dgn sabar kalau wa membebel kan. pagi2 weekend mesti kt akan turun cafe bfast, dgn kak emi n yg lain. port lepak utama, tasik KK12. aaa. rinduu. pastu wa ingat lagi mase u were so into PP "F". wa pon same, tp x dasyat mcm lu la. pastu one fine nite, emo, duduk dkt balcony dgr lagu mltr. funny you. tp tu mase first sem. second sem da tak. kisah "riri' pulak. another hilarious, and never-ending story. kalau ingat balik, wa terharu sgt with ur full support and pengorbanan lu. lu x pernah bosan dgn cite2 wa, n lu lyn je kan. kalau mlm je, wa dgn lu slalu x keruan lah. mcm2. pastu mule lah, "aishah, jom teman kt turun jalan2 amik angin dkt bwh, kt mcm tgh x btol". lu pon slalu mcm tu gak. pastu mlm2 we both wandering around tanpa arah tuju, melayan perasaan masing2. daku ingat sume tu. kalau tgh hujan mlm2, wa lagi la. ape lg, aishahhh... eheh.



dulu wa kalau sakit, lu jugak yg detect dulu, sampai kadang2 wa x sedar pon wa x sihat or x okay. ingat lagi mase rubella, after balik2 dr surau solat subuh, lu dtg bilik wa, lu tgk wa lain mcm, lu terus dtg dkt wa. "shira,awk demam ke? muke awk nampak lain". "ehh, panas ni, sy rase awk demam la, x pyh pg class la hr ni" few hours later wa dtg bilik lu, wa ckp x sedap badan, muke wa da merah2 n bengkak. ingat lg lu ckp lps lecture pg tu, lu balik kolej nak teman wa pg clinic. lu risau mase tu. tu mase rubella. mase wa sakit 'aneh' yg first time detected dkt pasum pon, lu yg perasan dulu. muke wa mcm alien mase tu. mate merah2 sume. lu ingat wa nangis. tp tak. paling daku terharu, your sincerity towards me. and i know u cared. daku ingat lagi mcm mane anda jage daku mase daku sakit. sakit as in 'sakit'. anda tau kan? daku pernah cite dkt anda sorg je kwn pasum daku, until one day you and the rest witnessed it during sleepover at my place. since dat, anda slalu jage daku. if sumthin happened, you informed my family. and daku ingat lagi,dis one time, yg anda dgn daku tak okay for few days, lepas tu daku 'sakit'. they told me you were so worried abt me. daku balik rumah mase tu. balik2 tu, kakak daku ckp, "sweetnye aishah td". daku ingat, anda dtg baring sbelah daku dgn telekung anda, "shira, awk okay ke?" since dat, kalau daku nampak lain mcm je anda tanye okay ke x. anda slalu dtg bilik daku to check on me. there was dis one day, daku pernah ckp daku x sedap hati, and x boleh solat. anda dtg bilik daku, anda tanye, "nak sybacekan manzil utk awk?" seriously aishah, you're the sweetest thing.

kalau daku nak cite sume bende yg anda bwat utk daku, xkan habis. terlalu byk. n i'm too grateful knowing sumone like you in my life. u've changed me into a better person. byk daku blaja dr anda, n yg lain. sejak knal anda daku jd baik sikit. huhu. i learnt how to become a better muslimah, etc. sejak knal anda n mira jugak, br daku dgr n lyn nasyid. eheh. daku rindu sume kenangan. daku rindu nak solat jemaah dgn anda n yg lain, solat terawih same2, bukak puase n sume tu. byk sgt yg daku rindu. paling daku rindu, nak gado dgn anda mcm dulu. heh. u've always been there for me, aishah. always. mayb daku dulu x pernah ckp sumthin like dis to you. sbb daku dgn anda due2 pon ego kan. tp daku syg anda. habis2 pasum, anda la org paling daku rindu. dulu, anda slalu dgr cite daku. daku susah nak cite dkt org lain. anda tau sume bende psl daku. daku rase xde pon yg anda xtau. sume bende psl daku, and kisah lampau daku anda tau. anda ingat tak ade satu hari, daku teringat sgt sumone yg da lame gle x contact n lost contact, anda tlg daku. sbb anda la daku dpt contact dgn die till now. dulu daku ingat lg sume kwn daku mcm kwn anda. hp daku pon slalu dgn anda n mira. msg kwn daku anda yg reply. pasal Mr. H lagila, anda n mira mmg jobless. habis2 pasum, daku rase eneh. sbb anda da xde dgn daku. anda jauh. daku da xtau nak membebel dkt sape anda. sampai evryday kt msg n gayot kan. padahal daku bukan suke gayot pon anda. tp dgn anda, daku bole habiskan credit mcm tu je. rase mcm byk je bende nak cite dkt anda. daku happy lepas pasum daku dpt balik klantan, n stay rumah anda. last raye pon, daku sgt2 excited dpt jumpe anda kejap lepas terawih dkt kelantan. jodoh kt mmg kuat aishah. eheh.


skrg anda jauuhh. daku sedih. tp xpe, anda slalu dgn daku. sampai skrg pon anda slalu dgn daku. thanx anda. anda x pernah tinggalkan daku. walaupon anda dkt sabah n daku dkt ipoh, tp kt still rapat mcm dulu. jumpe je tak. kisah daku dr daku awl2 dtg ipoh sampai la skrg anda tau. and dgn anda je daku bole gayot for few hours utk membebel. sbb anda je yg btol2 faham daku, and sume yg daku lalui selame ni. daku tau, daku da xkan jumpe another you in the future. u're too precious to me. daku tau anda mesti tak sangke daku bole ckp mcm ni. mayb sbb daku x pernah mcm ni dgn anda before dis kan. one thing you have to know, the more i care about sumone, the harder it is for me to express me. simply moi. jd, anda tau kan anda org penting. cheh. daku tibe2 geli. i know u're reading dis aishah, and uve been my silent reader yg mmg suke bace je n x suke comment. heh.

"dgn gue lu x pyh tipu la. org lain lu boleh la tipu"-aishah.
i know you know me well, n i cant hide anythin from you.
thanx for evrythin makciks. anda kekuatan daku tau?

last but not least, happy sweet 2oth bday makciks. how i wish i could celebrate wit you, and dpt menjalankan idea-idea kejam. heh. take care of dat lil teddy.


yang jauh di mata, shahira. ;)

birthday and birthday.

21 February 2009:
Location: Eastin Hotel.
happy bday mamito! had a great great time wit familia. aint no other. :D






7 February 2009:
Location: rumah no 31.
happy bday to my one and only roomie, raden. dis time, its a lil bit diff from the previous bday(s). we decided to make a simple, but sweet bday surprise rather than main kotor like we used to do. took us some time to think and we ended up wit dis. pnat jugak fikir utk sorg2 punye surprise, after one n another.






3 February 2009:
Location: Padang depan rumah fika+syida.
Happy bdayy to our so-called mummy, sarah.
A definetely unforgettable bday. we had soo much fun and main tak ingat dunia. lagi2, when it comes to game yg ntah pape-tapi fun-tapi susah woo-dann sgt memalukan. highlight of the day, berjaya pujuk n suap sarah mkn oreo yg berintikan kodomo lion. too bad lah kan. ;p
apabila PPG, GBS n GLB bersatu, make the perfect us. :)







29 January 2009:
Location: Bora Asmara.
Happy bday to my dearest kakak whos turning 25. a memorable one, i could say. unexpected nite, wit the live band performing n also clown. happy to see you happy. :D




same day,
Location: Red Box, mini playground unisel.
Happy bday to batch. Had a karaoke session wit the gurls, then we went to Unisel to fetch mimi then lepak then camwhoring, as usual. sgtt gembira pada hari itu. thanx kwn2.:))

selamat ulang tahun, mama.

happy birthday mama.

you were my strength when i was weak,
you were my voice when I couldn't speak,
you were my eyes when I couldn't see,
you saw the best there was in me,
lifted me up when I couldn't reach,
you gave me faith cause you believed,
I'm everything I am,
Because you loved me.

"mama sayang adik muco muco, byk2 mcm bintang, bulan, gunung n matahari. jaga diri ok.
luv u"

adik sygggg mama lagi banyak dan banyak dan banyakk lagi.
love u ma, always. <33

update.

1.45 a.m: finally, safely arrived home sweet home.

3.18 a.m: rasa aneh, dan janggal. its been a whilee kann. wanted to update my blog, tapi kesibukan melanda. sorry to those people, that ive been ignoring for the past few weeks, without any intention. maaf kalau rase terabai. tidak sengaja. bukan purposely tak reply msgs n such, but there were some reasons needless to b mentioned here.
my life has been a roller-coster ride for the past weeks, yet im still living a happy life. thank god.

enough of dat. siapa rindu sy? angkat tgn. heh. tauu ramai. bukan perasan, but i have prove tauu. ;p (na, ur one of them kan?) crappy moi. br habis CVS exam, mcm ni lah gayanya. heh.

sy adaaa banyakkk benda nak ckp. nak bgtauu. bykk sgtt. n dats the prob when u have so many things to tell, u dunt even know how to start it. problematic. paling penting anda, im homeeeeee. super duper gembira. in fact, dah berapa hari mcm teringat rumah. mcm memanggil-memanggil. ini bukan homesick. because im not the homesick type. trust me. cuma rinduuuu ma n pa. n nano n adam. my lil babies. ye lah, tak jumpe lg since balik umrah. :((

i want to update the bday(s) of the month, tapi tunggu bday ma dulu. mama's bday coming up real soon. yeayness. and we might go to pd or another unknown place dis weekend, either one. tak kisah. yg penting, complete set of us. bilangan ahli keluarga cukup, check-mate. perfecto. =)

will update more later yea? i shud get some sleep. tak cukup tido sbenarnye. mentally and physically tired.

awk suka saya tapi saya suka dia, tapi dia tak suka saya, jadi saya suka awk balik.
dia suka saya tapi saya tak suka dia, tapi awk ada, tapi saya tak tau.

some crappy stuff. nytey nite. sleep tight.

Love Letters Compilation.

i believe, sumthin is not right.

my very own theraphy

When we want to talk to ALLAH,we pray and say prayers.
When we want to hear ALLAH talk to us, we read The Holy Al-Qur'an,
God's Love Letters Compilation is the best balm, given at any time.

Verily in the remembrance of ALLAH do hearts find rest.


O' Allah, I need you.

I hope you’re doing fine out there without me
'Cause I'm not doing so good without you
The things I thought you'd never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood
So how could I have been so blind for all these years
I guess I only see the truth through all this fear of living without you.

Corus Paradise.

2 days, and a night stay was all worth it. enough said. and of course, setelah diketepikan segala bentuk cabaran at the beginning of the journey. :)

Breathtaking.

the three stooges. :D

at last! thank you kerana merealisasikan hasrat. :)

when she says.

first thing first, goodbye ipoh.
we'll see you in a week time, okayh?

location: ipoh.

it feels diff not having ma, pa, abe n nano around. a strange funny feeling. i kinda feel, err, incomplete? not exactly sedih. tipu gila. haha. okay okay, i better admit that i was kinda sad, the nite before they went off, since i wasnt around to send em.
tapi, im okay now. mayb sbb last year pon they went for umrah, lagi sedih, and back in 2004, they went for haj. lagi laa sedihhh. so, this time less sedih. immune. :)

230109
01:52 a.m
papa lovey: Br touchdown di madinah, sayang. Alhamdulillah, penerbangan lancar n selamat. how's everything in M'sia? we all tgh que immigration clearance di airport. good night sayang.

Alhamdulillah, they arrived safely. we'll see you in 2 weeks time.
I Miss You.

Second thing, now i can sleep wit my BILLY temporarily. period. But left Moo Moo in Ipoh. takpela, fair and square. now turn billy pulak. heh.

Billy given by kakak, Moo moo, by nano.
*winks*

take a deep look at this picture. aint em adorable? sgtttttt kan. i'm drooling over those cupcakes and i want this badlyyyyyyy.
serious nakkk. i prefer this instead of bday cake. padahal bday lambatt lagi. haha.
but nothin wrong wit that, at least one way of mengiburkan hati.

i loike!

compilation of memoirs.

woke up early in the morning,
checked my hp,
few new msgs, few missed calls,
read em, erased em.

was about to delete other msgs in my inbox, but i ended up smiling to myself. :)

the same color represents the same person, okay?



2007:
" If u'r happy, i'll b happy too. If u'r sad, i'll b sad too. If u'r angry, i'll b angry too, If u'r crying, i'll cry with u, If u need help, i'm here for u, If u wanna tell, i'll listen to u.
I luv ya dear! "

"Yesterday u told me sumthin i thought u knew, and I told u with a smile, 'its all about u'. Then u whispered in my ears and u told me too, said 'u make my life worthwhile', its all about you. "

"Hey. ull b fine dear. True frenship lasts the test of time. She wont b gone 4eva"

"ouhh. eh? we need u. seriously weyh. huhu. pls, pls kay."

"Hi, how r u? I'm going back 2 Japan next week. If possible, maybe we can go for a lunch if u'r free?"
(okay, this part is hilarious. there's a story behind it. haha. i miss u, hide-my classmate in british council)

"Huhu. once upon a time, there was a genie whu culdnt fall asleep. so, she closd her eyes n thot of hepi thots dat made her smile. thn she fell asleep. ;p"

" Bestnye dpt peluk awk be4 gi matriks. syg awk.
Thanks. u too. good luck kat pasum nanti. i luv u so much"
(knowing her, i couldnt believe she actly wrote dat. terharu)

"Ok. Up to u lar. B prepared for 6 tough years ahead! We r ryt behind u!"
(This sumhow means a lot to me. thanx)

"Shera. how r u 2day? Kt doakan awk cepat sihat k. ktorg sume risau. take care yah. klu kt ad kat ruma blh jgk dtg tgk. tp sume jauh2.pls take care tau shera. rehat k."
(when i had rubella.)

"sdey la x dpt jumpe awk lg da pasni. =( hey thanks 4 da pressie!so cute. u bought tht frm swak eh?thanx syg! n thanx 4 da massage td. hehee. =)"

2008:
"Aww. kt sedih.tsk2.kt tau ktorg sume hargai eachother dgn cara yg berbeda.kita semua.as long as ktorg sume stay cnncted. i'Allah bnde ni akn bertahan. thanx jugak shera. d thought of still having korang sume buat kt kuat. :D tdolah.gudnite."

"oh. insyaallah. just so u knw, i miss u. walau kt da jarang jumpe, tp kt still syg awk. n sowry if i do neglect u. i was a jerk. tp awk still top5 org plg pntg kt. :)"

"Salam syera, ape khabar, sy sgt teringat kat awk, sy rase semakin jauh dgn awk, tp sy x pernah lupa awk, byk sgt gembira dgn awk. Harap awk sihat"


"Jangan bilang tidak' jikaku berkata yg 'ku merindu'i kamu. namun daku 'menjaga hati'ku supaya tidak mengikut kata hati kernaku tahu 'cinta' boleh membuatkan manusia buta.
'ku mahu kau tahu' bahawa 'bila aku sudah tiada', hatiku tetap menjadi milikmu.
(another hilarious one. creative mind, aishah. combinations of our memoirs, pasum time. i miss!)

sentimental, i know. shahira mmg begini. i actually saved those msgs cuz each of em has a story behind it, and i still remember semuanya.
memoirs.

2 weeks of hectiness, due to the pack schedule of Cardiovascular System Module. tough and pack, yet interesting, really. better though, i like it this way. at least i know i need to stay focus, and put aside the other unimportant minor minor things.

unfortunately, the entire week has been a real, devastating one. physically, emotionally, spritually devastating. the inner conflict is even worse, you know. tiring indeed. this is what we call, a private war within oneself. on my side, and also on the other side. i'm scared i'll lose my grip. i'm scared i cant hold on, no more. please you. i don't like getting involved in this kinda thing. i'm so freaking tired to be the middle person. dari dulu pon.

and please, don't drag me into ur own mess. boleh tak? grow up will you? and act maturely boleh? how i wish i could b ignorant, not that selfish ignorant idiot, but at least, the positive side of it, i wont b hurting so much.
when i'm mad, i prefer to keep queit. when my world is falling apart, i prefer to fix things back on my own. i always thought i could solve things by myself, but sumtimes, you know, its killing me on the inside. its just, and urggh feeling. tau tak? why do you have to do this to me, when i did nothin to you? why do you have to screw things up only bcause of silly little things. let me tell you, its the egoistic part of you. you're such an ego maniac, and do you know how much i hate that?

please everyone. please. i need some respect. i think its the time for me to change. how i wish i could voice out everythin? how i wish i could tell you what exactly i feel? how i wish i could tell you whats going on my mind. how i wish kan.
kenapa kita selalu terlalu fikirkan perasaan org lain, tapi org lain tak pernah kisah kan? penat. sgt penat. thank god, i'm goin back tomorow, to the place where i belong.

i want to go back to my high school days. when everything seemed so wrong, only with a simple-magic-warm-hug, i felt at ease.
i need hugs. :(

pija dearest.

pijaaaa ku sygggg.
happy sweet 20th bday, my dearest darling. i miss youuu.
haf a blast k? kt doakan awk selalu. :)

credits to al, for the bday video.

do visit http://aliahkama.blogspot.com/ to watch the video, okay?

and i'm missing each and evryone of you in the video.
at least, terubat rindu.
thank you missy aleyya. :D

last but not least, to pija, call me watever you want, i still love you. kt tak kisah. yg penting anda tetap bertakhta di hati. and of course, cubitan berbisa yg tak mungkin kt lupekan sampai bila-bila.
and ohh, i heart youu thisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss much.
xoxo.

Bingung

Semalam mentari menghilang
dan siang ini bulan ikut serta

Sungguh…
Cukup lama kunanti ia terbit
Hingga kusadari langit t’lah gelap

Sungguh…
Cukup lama kutunggu pijar bintang
Hingga kusadari salah jam

Kemarin…
Lautan masih kekeringan, sebab
Daratan masih saja kebanjiran

Kemarin…
Apa yang tampak masih saja tak terlihat
dan yang tersembunyi menyeruak dengan mudahnya

Bingung.

say you.

Hidup tak selalunya indah, langit tak selalu cerah. kann?
to you, thousand apologies.
im trully sorry.
good nite.

coincidence?

Disangka tidur hanya sehari
Rupanya 309 tahun
Zaman bertukar beberapa kurun
Di bumi bersejarah Urdhu.

Begitulah kuasa Ilahi
Kepada ashabhul kahfi
Tiada mustahil di dunia ini
Jika kita beriman dan bertakwa.

i was singing this song, entitled Ashabul Kahfi, by Raihan thru out the day, and even now. i wonder why too. until after maghrib prayer, when i opened Al-Qur'an to continue reciting from the page i stopped yesterday, suprisingly, the nx page i opened, it was written "Al-Kahfi".
mcm tergamam seketika. a big coincidence kan? gembira, and at the same time, ade satu perasaan halus yg menyelinap masuk ke hati, lagi2 when bace terjemahan. am listening to the song rite now, sbb raden suruh dgr. :)

Persoalan demi persoalan, mungkinkah sesuatu di sebalik semua ini?
wallahu'alam.

cerita tentang mereka.

new discovery; now i know the whole family read my blog except for pa, and abe(i'm not sure abt abe). this is embarassing. like seriously. and my sisters are my regular blog readers. i don't really mind at all, but still malu jugaklah kan. adam lagi laa poyo. " eleh adik, tulis psl adam dlm blog. terharu adam". whatever lah kan. end of the story.

i'm goin back to ipoh tmrw, finally, after 2 weeks of break. its gonna be awkward to write 2009, instead of 2008. hafta get use to it. awal tahun, mcm ni lah gayanya. ;p andd, reminder to shahira anuar, enough of fooling around,sekian terima kasih. :D new year, new spirit. kononn. ;p serious nervous to meet everyone in ipoh. *butterflies in stomach*
yawn. merapek sy, i know.

within this short period of time, i'm pretty satisfied. i finally manage to shorten the list of 'who-i-have-to-meet' especially friends. pia, after this jgn ckp kt sombong da k? :) n ohh, i started to miss my cousins already. no more hingar-bingar, no mo funn. a month with all of you around, it was a blast. no kidding. i miss you, budak-budak. kak shahira rindu kamu semua. no mo senaman si tommy, no mo bedtime stories. i miss! *supersigh* :(

to my dear bestie, thank you for the time. annis is goin back to uk, on the 14th of jan, and i wont b around by that time, so, goodbye-in-advance. take care sweety.

to nina dearest, i'm eagerly waiting for you to come home. am counting the days. tick tock tick tock. sy rindu awkk.

to aliah, selamat berjuang utk peperiksaan yg bakal menjelang. you soo gonna rock it, and u're my forever rockstar. kt dan yg lain doakan. insyaallah. :)

PALING PENTING!
maliq janji nak bwk kt gi PD kann? you better make it up for me, or ill haunt you in ur dreams. haha. kt nakkk. da lame sgt sgt sgttt nak pg.

last but not least, pictures. goodbye evryone.

miserable.

i miss some people from the past, terribly. whether i miss, or they've just come across my mind, and well, suddenly, teringat. which is which, im not sure. mimpi punya pasal lah ni. now im blaming all those weird dreams which coincidentally occured one after another. pelik perhaps. i just don't know. apparently, it's been bothering me. cuti pon susah. i soo need to get back to hectic life.

the ironic part, evrythin rings a bell to me. the place, the crowd, the smell, the songs, simply everythin. when i smell sumthin, automatically, it reminds me of a place which i've been before, the people who used to b around me, incidents taking place. semua lah. songs especially, every song actually has sumthin behind it, at least for me. and i can tell you, this song is for who, that song is for who, and who belongs to that particular song. haha.

and now, at this moment, sgttt teringat those people in the past. yg mmg dah tak tau ape cite. tapi, i would like to hear from them the soonest, at this very moment. those people, yg i purposely changed my old e-mail, account and evrythin, yg i deleted their contacts, yg i deleted all msgs in my inbox, contacts from phone book. i was trying so hard to make sure i can never reach them dah in the future. fyi, this is my only way to forget sumone. true that. it works for me. sampai mmg dah takkan mampu menjejaki mereka ini.

tapi sekarang tgk lah ape jadi. i tried to find their names in my phone book, sumhow hoping too much that i eventually save em, search thru facebook and all, and many other ways, but at the end of the day, it didnt even work. i came to realise that i couldnt even remember some of the names ponn. i feel miserable. ahh. penat mencari, lalu surrender. serious pathetic gila. padan muka sendiri. sape suruh.

i hope i'll hear from you, someday. just wanna check on you, and just wanna know how u're doin. tu je. nothin more. salah ke? :((

Salam Maal Hijrah. :)

1 Muharam 1430 Hijrah.
Semoga lembaran baru ini lebih baik dari yang lalu. Amin.

Doa Awal Tahun Hijrah.
Dengan nama Allah Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang; segala pujian bagi Allah Penguasa sekalian alam; selawat dan salam ke atas junjungan Nabi dan Rasul iaitu penghulu Nabi Muhammad S.A.W dan kepada keluarga serta sahabat baginda sekalian.
Ya Allah, Engkaulah yang kekal; qadim lagi azali dan di atas kelebihan Engkau yang besar; dan kemurahan Engkau yang telah mendatangi kami, kami memohon kepada Engkau pemeliharaan padanya daripada syaitan yang direjam, pembantu-pembantunya dan tentere-tenteranya dan kami memohon pertolongan dari nafsu yang banyak mendorong kepada kejahatan dan kami memohon kepada Engkau untuk melakukan sebarang pekerjaan yang boleh mendekatkan diri kami kepada Engkau.
Ya Allah, Tuhan yang merubah segala keadaan, rubahlah keadaan kami kepada sebaik-baik keadaan dengan kekuasaan dan kurniaan Engkau, wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Pengasih dan Penyayang.

Wahai Tuhan kami, kurniailah kepada kami kebahagiaan di dunia dan kebahagiaan di akhirat dan peliharalah kami dari azab api neraka. Dan cucurilah rahmat dan salam kepada penghulu kami Nabi Muhammad S.A.W dan kepada keluarganya dan para sahabat baginda sekalian. Segala pujian bagi Allah Tuhan Pentadbir seluruh alam.

AMIN.

awesome foursome.

Had to go to GIANT wit ya and ida this morning, to buy adam's n nano's stuffs. mari kembali ke sekolah, ayuh. heh. i miss SMSJ so bad. those were the days, when we were all carefree. and oh,rindu nak beli brg2 skola. *sigh* Lepas tu, they wanted to eat sushi dkt parade. evryone was craving for sushi except for me. A big NO NO. it takes me another half of the year to be able to eat sushi again. make me eat, i'll definetely puke. they know why. lalala.

Setibanya di parade, or to be exact, setibanya di Sushi King, al texted me. "Free utk lunch?" yeah, im all free, lagi2 tatkala perasaan tidak mahu makan sushi yg tidak dapat dibendung lagi. heh. So, they came(al and mimi) and we had lunch at pizza hut. dan kemudiaannya al meminta utk berkaraoke. dan sy hanya menurut perintah(;p), went for karaoke and daytona as well, only two of us. yea.

And oh, the idea of going out for a cendol or minum petang with batch was last minute changed. Instead, we straight away went to Shah Alam to meet my bestie, Annis. She's back in Malaysia, temporarily btw. fyi, mereka mmg terkenal dgn last minute plan. tapi cool. finally, the awesome foursome get to spend time together. :) and the coolest thing, we wore black and white without planning. shweet.

batch is goin back tomolow. till next time when we meet again. take care dear. :) last words, korang yang terindah. teehee. loves.

bestfriend of 6 years.

The awesome foursome. Dulu, Kini dan Selamanya. Insyaallah. :)

Nur Shahira Anuar.
Annis Natalia Abdul Hamed Shah.
Siti Aliah Kamaruddin.
Nur Basirah Borhanuddin.

Deeper Conversation.

Its raining.
And i'm feeling blue.
And I find it hard to close my eyes.
And this song plays on my playlist.
And I just listen to it.
And I know my mind is not here wit me.
Tidak bersatu dengan jasad, lalu semakin menjauh.

And I pray that things will get better tomorrow.
Selamat malam.

Lyrics | Yuna lyrics - Deeper Conversation lyrics
Lyrics | Yuna lyrics - Deeper Conversation lyrics

December baby.

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, happy birthday,
Happy birthday to you.
:)

11/12: Asilah.
Ikhlas.

14/12: Salam.

15/12: Badrul.

22/12: Hairi.

24/12: Haris.

27/12: Baby.

Close your eyes, make a wish, and blow out the candles.
Semoga dirahmati Allah selalu.
Amin.
:)

Buah Hati, Pengarang Jantung. :)

"ohana means family.
family means no one is left behind"

Suatu hakikat kebenaran, keluarga saya adalah kekuatan saya, the real inner strengh.

I went to Concorde, Shah Alam with mama and kak ti this morning, to send my cousins for ESQ(Emotional Spritual Quotient) training. I've attended the course before, in fact dah jadi Alumni pon. Alhamdulillah. :)

Sebenarnya, saya ingin berkongsi sesuatu dgn anda semua. dan jika mampu, mahu saja berkongsi semua cerita yang saya dengar pagi tadi, tetapi terlalu banyak. Semuanya amat bermakna bagi saya, sehinggakan terkadang seperti tidak mampu menahan air mata daripada mengalir. menangis-tersenyum-menangis-ketawa kembali. EMOSI berjaya memainkan peranan dgn begitu baik. ;p

Walaubagaimanapun, antara pelbagai cerita yg diperdengarkan, hati saya begitu terusik tatkala mendengar sebuah kisah seorang gadis tentang keluarganya. Lahir di dalam sebuah keluarga yg besar, dan mempunyai seramai 13 org adik-beradik, apatah lagi dia adalah anak ketiga dan perempuan sulung sekaligus, membuatkannya begitu benci dan jengkel akan adik-adiknya. Beliau sentiasa tertekan dan jurang yg besar terbina antara mereka kerana beliau tidak kisah akan adik-adiknya. Mungkin kerana sentiasa harus berkorban, dan merasakan perhatian yg diberi kurang menjadikan ia sebagai faktor utama.

Sehinggakan ketika ibunya mengandungkan anak yg ke-6, die berkata kepada ibunya:
"Umi, yg kakak tau, kakak tak nak tahu sape dlm perut umi, kakak takkan jage die, kakak tak nak kisah pasal die, dan kakak tak kan sentuh die, die bukan darah daging kakak."

Ya Allah. Bayangkan apa yg saya rasakan tatkala mendengar apa yg keluar dari mulut gadis yg kelihatan begitu naif itu. Ketika itu, saya tidak dapat menahan air mata daripada mengalir.
Hati ini begitu terguris. Satu demi satu wajah adik-beradik saya datang menerpa di bayangan ini.
Pada saat itu juga, hati kecil ini tidak henti-henti memanjatkan rasa syukur yg tidak terhingga kepada Allah. Terima kasih Allah utk segalanya. Terima kasih kerana kasih sayang ini tidak pernah pudar. Terima kasih kerana keakraban persaudaraan kami sentiasa kukuh.
Terima kasih kerana mengurniakanku keluarga yang bahagia.
Terima kasih ma dan pa, kerana melahirkan zuriat yg ramai.

Eight of us. Proudly to say, i am. Because im always grateful to b born in a big family, to b surrounded by many siblings. I'm contented with what i have and i'm happy. Its just wonderful. Especially when having all of em around.
My siblings and i are just so close to each other. we are everyone's EVERYTHING.
And I heart each of em to bits n pieces. Tiada yg lebih, tiada yg kurang. Mereka adalah segalanya.
Yana, Dila, Ida, Ya, Abe, Nano, Adam. <3

Jarang sekali saya meluahkan isi hati saya. Keluarga dan rakan-rakan sering mengatakan sy tiada perasaan. Erti kata lain, emotionless. heh. Mungkin benar, tetapi tiada siapa yg tahu apa yg sebenarnya terbuku di lubuk hati. I always want to express my feelings to the loved ones, but its just hard for me.
When i care, i don't know how to show it, when the fact that god knows how much i care. And i know its hard for me to even say, "I miss you" and "I love you". Bukan ego but its just me. It wont just come out.
Often when they called me, and at the end of conversation, they would say sumthin like i love you n such, but i just kept myself in silence and didnt reply back. Same thing when they texted me. After that selalu akan disappointed wit myself. I'm really sorry. :(
Kalau lah korang tau apa yg ku rasa.

the coolest.

Mama, I love you so much but you know i might not show it.
I really cant stand to see you in pain, because im hurting on the inside too.
Everytime tears start streaming down ur cheeks, I'll try my very best to turn my face away, because i dunt want you to see im crying too.
And at that moment, I know i'm the weakest person on earth.

Ya Rabbi, Kau ambil lah nyawa ku sebelum kau ambil nyawa mereka.
Dan jika ditakdirkan sudah masanya kau mengambil nyawa kami,
matikanlah kami dalam keimanan dan ketaqwaanmu. Amin.

Sekadar renungan.

TANDA HATI MATI.

Jika seseorang melihat orang susah,
Mungkin sakit atau miskin dan papa,
Hati tidak tersentuh, Jiwa tidak simpati,
Sesungguhnya hati itu telah BUTA.

Kalau melihat orang yg mendapat bala,
Jiwa itu tidak derita,
Melihat biasa sahaja,
Tidak merasa apa-apa,
Ketahuilah bahawa kemanusiaannya telah PUNAH.

Sekiranya melihat gunung, langit, pemandangan yg indah,
Hanya terpesona dengan pandangan itu sahaja,
Tidak terasa kehebatan dan kebesaran Allah,
Menunjukkan jiwanya telah MATI.

Setelah melakukan kesalahan dan dosa,
Hatinya masih rasa biasa,
Tidak sekelumit rase takut dan gentar akan Allah,
Ketahuilah bahawa hati itu semakin gelap, hitam dan akhirnya MATI.

(Pesanan dari Kak Ecah):
"Hati ni mcm manusia, kene jaga selalu. kalau manusia, kene mkn n minum utk utk terus hidup, kene jaga selalu supaya sentiasa bersih, segar. mcm tu la hati, kene bg mkn, minum, dan dijaga selalu. kalau tak jaga, hati akan sentiasa kotor, gelap dan paling ditakuti satu hari nanti, ianya akan mati"

I NEED AIR TO BREATHE.

papa.

Dear blog,

I miss papa badly. tak sempat bye-bye papa td.
pa called me this morning when he arrived kuching. "papa tak bye-bye adik pon td" :(
pa told me i was sleeping and he didnt want to wake me up.

now i know i miss the king of my heart dearly.
:(

pics say it all.

Events/Occasions/Activities Of The Week:

11/12/08: Surprise party for clah. Pics arent available anyway. later.

FUNFAIR:



12/12/08: Akad Nikah(Sarah's cousin)


13/12/08: Seminar Fiqh Perubatan, Royal College Of Medicine Perak.




Climax Of The Week:
Abg Hood's Wedding Reception at tropicana golf club. note: family not complete.

Last but not least, My Superhero,
Muhd. Adam Haikal Anuar.
xoxo

bad night.

I lost my IC, license, and 2 ATM cards, sumwhere in funfair. not a good nite for me kot. just made a police report and have to come again tomorow. well, lets just sayy, bad luck?
unfortunately, this is the 2nd time. jadi, lebih bertenang. more calm.
i could still remember the time when i went to sarawak alone, a friend of my sis picked me up from airport, and straight away went to a place, which i couldnt really rememeber. only within a short period of time, when we came back again, kete da kene pecah, barang sume hilang. and i mean, semua. heh. jadii, sehelai sepinggang dtg sarawak. heh. dat was like, a year ago?
takpe, adela hikmah. insyaallah. take it that way, and u'll feel better.

Oh btw, before that, my hsmates and i went for dinner with kak ummul, kak maira and kak dayah, dan juga FUNFAIR. all dizzy now. few of them even vomited due to 'kepeningan yg melampau'.

dann sekarang, just got back from police station. thanks kak ummul, kak dayah n dira teman. dan mahu tido. ya.
it's already 1.27 a.m, so yesterday was clah's bday. selamat hari jadi.
good night. hopefully tomorrow will b a better day. amin.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

A Who-I-Have-To-Meet-List-During-One-Week-Holiday:

• Al
• Batch
• Agy
• Maliq
• Mr. H
• The rest of petite.

Checklist: All tick. Except for last one. titik.
Finallyyy!!

holiday is finally over. will be going back to ipoh tomorow morning.
ape yg penting, cuti berjaya dihabiskan bersama keluarga dan rakan-rakan terdekat. :)

To Mr. H, thank you for today. thank you for the treat, thank you for the big effort. you really made my day. after almost a year of not seeing each other, finally we got to meet. i could see many changes in you, but i like it anyway. thank you for bringing back the memories. thank you for everythin, awk!

Did i tell you i have great bunch of friends? You guys are simply the awesom-est. Thank you for the Bukit Cerakah Outing.
A day to remember: Subang Parade-Bukit Cerakah-Masjid Negeri-Old Town White Coffee-Masjid Al-Falakh-Badminton.

And I have a confession to make;
I trully madly deeply heart each of you to bits and pieces.

Ketika bahagia saat bersamamu,

Ketika kalian peduli akan tangisku,

Ketika kita berjalan bersama,

Untuk Mengejar semua mimpi-mimpi kita,

Dan ketika cinta kita terhentak,

Kita adalah satu.

Tetap kawan selamanya. =)

Selamat tinggal Subang Jaya!

blabbers.

so, i went for medical check up today with ma and abe, and the blood test result's out.
Alhamdulillah,its nothin like SLE. terima kasih Allah. :) my next appointment will b in 2 months time.
after the appointment, papa bought me some chocs. thank you, pa. :D
craving for chocs lately. well, craving for plain cadburry to b specific. pelik pelik lah shahira anuar. and oh, last nite ida took me to T.G.I fridays. na and adam pon menyibuk jugak. usually dila n jo yg bwk, but since dila is too bz wit on-calls and all, nvm la.
thank you for the treat. n thank you slalu kene layan my mengada-ness.
i wurve you, kakak! anda adalah yg terbaik di dunia. you RAWK. :))

................................................................................................................................................................................
"free yourself at 3. will pick you up later."
agyyy!! awk mmg sgt bertuah kann. kelam-kabut gile kt. tak msk lunch lagi, tak mandi lagi, tak solat lagi, tak cari baju lagi, n tak gosok baju lagi! waa.
sorry you had to wait, tp kt da sedaya-upaya siap mcm the flash okay. tu lahh, lain kali tell me earlier.
and oh, packed some of my 'sambal tumis udang' for agy to taste it. later we cook together k?
finallyy. got to meet my agy. went to parade for lunch, but peristiwa lama berulang lagi. sebijik lak tuh. takpe2, kt da biase dan terpakse biasekan diri. da kene curse kot if gi parade dgn awk. ;p then, went to agy's place, stayed there till night. borak-borak sampai penatt. i like it there anyway. sgt cosy. =)

oh btw, after this ill try my very best 'merajinkan' diri mkn ubat. dunt worry too much lah. im fine. u're exactly like man. like sis, like bro la kann. pnat mlm tu kene pakse mkn ubat dgn korg. but told u im a good girl. :)
anyway, thank you for the day, yea.

might b goin out wit man today, but x confirm lagi. we'll see how it goes. waiting for him to msg me. and oh, my cousins will b arriving today. yeayness. selamat datang ke teratak kami and lets rock the world .together we rock yeah. and oh, maliqku, or maliq kami(which one you prefer) da habis exam. double yeay. jom lah korg gi picnic. till then, bye-bye.

mind the so many 'oh's' in this post, okay?

:(

im sorry but i need to let my heart out.

he texted me in the middle of the night asking me: awk percaya emosi n suara hati?
was really mamai when i read the msg, and replied this morning.
so, i asked him wats wit the msg, andd he asked me who was i referring to, regarding the 'suara hati n emosi' post.

i know u read my blog. tak kisahla kan.
when you said you need to know, told you its a random post. and i was referring to anyone who deserves it. not only an individual, sbb bukan sorg cume when i wrote that, i was referring to sumone n u dunt need to know who la kan. does this thing really has to b an issue for u?
you told me the post sumhow bothered you, and awk terase.
whyy? now tell me uve made promises and u werent able to make it?
i was annoyed this morning and i dunt know why.
and i didnt ignore you purposely but ive been really bz. thought you would understand by now.

sy dah pnat sbenarnye. im really tired of this ever since you made the biggest lie.
honestly, do you really care?

cant you see im hurting inside?

• bumped into 'another-he' the other day, and it has been ages. never thought i would see you again. was in denial, and still am, but i sumhow realise sumthin, ive never moved on.talking to you again, it was rather hard for me. pretending is the hardest thing to do.
  

i was in denial, and still living in denial.

• another surprise for me today, i accidentally met her. it was really awkward btwn you and me. i was forever running away from you and everything cuz im scared i might get hurt again. im just scared ill shed into tears again. im not ready to hear the painful words. maybe its just the time to face it, no matter how bad its going to be.
  

another thing, he msged me, and he wants to see me. i want to see you too, but im not ready yet.

my life is full of suprises, no?
this is hard for me. ive always been shadowed by the past. been hurt for countless time, and honestly, im scared of being hurt again. its killing me, for real. please, not this time. please, dunt let this happen again.
shahira kan kene kuat? hmm. :(

aishah, clah, please please please tell me im strong enough to face this. please tell me that ive gone thru too many things in my life, that i will definetely be stronger this time. please tell me ill b fine. please please, will you?

but, one shot? Ya Allah.

=(
=(
=(

bulan dan bintang. =D

Tonite, i witnessed sumthin which totally mesmerize me. Subhanallah. Sgt indah ciptaan Allah.
Two stars and a moon forming a smiley-like. Sgt sgt sgt cantik. i so LOVE. being sumone who loves to stare at the dark-nite-sky with twinkling stars shining brightly around the moon, i was super excited when i saw this. fantabulous view. terus lompat-lompat and panggil my family, and quickly texted my friends. i was really hoping everyone else could see it too, and share the view with me.

smiling still. sy sgt suka! thank you Allah, utk keajaiban ini. :D

khas utk annis, batch, al, clah, maliq, syam n na.
dan semualah cinta hati saya. semoga berpuas hati semuanya. ;p

the real one is wayy better than dis, trust me. tapi x berjaye amik. sorry korg.

later on, satu bintang da hilang. dan, sy sgt hampa. no mo smiley for me. :(
tp takpelah, grateful enough. :)
thank you badrul for this picture. sgtttt gembira. :)

oh bintang, dirimu begitu indah.
berkerlipan menerangi cakerawala.
begitu juga dirimu rembulan.
sinaran yg lembut dan redup menghidupkan malam.

p/s: if u cant sleep, try to count the stars in the skies. like i do. mesti boleh tido. ;p

emosi atau suara hati.

if u think u love sumone, then think again. to like sumone and to love are 2 diff things. maybe u just care.
jelasnya, emosi dan suara hati adalah dua perkara yg berbeda.
dari suara hati, maka lahirlah emosi.
dan sering kali, emosi yg merajai diri kita, tanpa kt sedari suara hati sebenar.
dahla, im gettin confused here. u wont get the point pon. heh.

anddd, please please if u cant make it, then why bother to make one?

promises arent mend to be broken tauu.

benci. its easier said than done okayy?
bukan marah, tapi im very disappointed with you. lain kali jgn janji da. its better.

ini adalah suara hati sebenar. not that emotions thingy.

enough of that.

went for blood test yesterday. another assumption: SLE.
results will b out nx week. wish me luck. hee.

missing-the-girls-mode.

in mood for:
-futsal
-paint-ball
-go-kart

dannn
-daytona with the girls would be fun.

i need a girls-day-out. annis, al, batch, na, nak korgg bole? pinjam satu hari pon jadi lah.
anddd also a bonding-session with the petite. pretty please?
pija, mimi, syaza, liyana, amalina, sarah, hanis. its been ages. kt rindu koranggg. btol tak tipu.

to agyyy,kt rindu awk sgt2. nak jumpe!
aisyah, si budak kechik yg super naughty, dan fairuz: kt teringat korg. n kt nak jumpe korg. rindu. =(
rajer: i miss the good all days. i mean it.
pia: its been a whileeeee. im sorry i coudnt find time to make it.

swear i super miss high school. those were the days.

No reason why.

No reason why.

my condition is gettin worse from time to time. in fact, this time its the worse. i cant really explain, its just, hmm, hard to explain. today is the third day, and am still feeling very weak. i couldnt recall when it exactly happened, but sumwhere in April, when i was in pasum, but it wasnt that bad during that period of time.

its nothin serious, but im suffering, to tell you the truth. only god knows. the symptoms start showing off every month, and from month to month, its becoming even worse. took few tablets of painkiller, but still sakit. sgtt2 lemah. ive been sleeping all day, and i just couldnt do anythin. i even walked like a zombie. everyone was asking me wats wrong with me, tapi ntahhh. susah nak ckp. when i get to know the main reason, ill let you know.

my 2 sisters who are in medical line cant figure out what the main prob is. in fact, the last time i had this 'thing', went to clinic but the doctor said he didnt know wats the real prob n causes and he's not ashamed to tell me that it was the first time he saw a case like this. and the next thing i did was went to see one of final year's lecturers who's also a specialist, and he told me that it has got sumthin to do wit hormones, and i had to take stronger pain killer.

as i mentioned before, this time, its the worse. texted my sis last nite and told her about my condition. and he told my mum. few minutes later, i got a non-stop msgs and calls from my family. this morning, my parents came all the way from kl, and brought me to ipoh specialist hospital. another assumption made-severe drug allergy. the doctor said its bad and very unusual, but she told me not to worry. made an appointment and i've to come again to take blood test, med check-up and etc. then only the main cause will b identified. and now im in kl, 2 days earlier before hols start.
sorry ma and pa, for troubling you.

too many assumptions people have made everytime they see me. kadang2 rase nak gelak.
tp xpelah, people wont understand. only those who know understand what am i goin thru.
insyallah everything will be fine, but only time matters. :)

few symptoms: bruises, swelling, redness, pain, bleeding, etc.
mcm imflammation pulak. ;p

The 5 people I tag are to then to follow my footsteps and write their own 10 weird things/habits and little known facts.
- No tag backs (as in once I’ve done this, please don’t tag this exact tag again.)

Lets change the rules. Instead of 10 weird things, you can list out as many as you want. :)

One.
I love cheesy food but i can never eat cheese cake bcause it causes migraine really. and no coffee flavor at all, please. migraine jugak.

Two.
I can smile and laugh all of a sudden in a middle of conversations or no conversations because I tend to remember all those funny funny moments like tibe2 je. I have many many ways of laughing. trust me. haha.

Three.
I love the smell of petrol in petrol kiosk, the smell of the grass after rain, and and bau asap yg mcm dkt kampung. its diff tau. not the smell of pollutions tuh. entahla, xtau nak explain.

Four.
Suke org main2 tangan or kaki or kepala especially when im sleepy. but currently tangan la. main2 as in gosok or geletek. eheh. dulu, me and nano sure akan main kaki each other before tido. and while papa bace yasin after prayers, i love to sleep on his lap and papa akan gosok2 my forehead. tapi, nano and adam selalu jealous and sibuk! slalu jugak suro sape2 main tangan. now my friends lah jadi mangsa. ;p

Five.
I prefer to 'siang ikan' than 'potong ayam' as in potong ayam from the whole chicken to the smaller parts(thigh, wing, etc). tak suke sgt. especially when frozen.

Six.
I have this fear of driving, mayb because got myself into few accidents. trauma.
and scared of height as well. sgt gayat if i were to look down from high suface. even from 2nd floor pon tak bole. because when i was in standard 3, i fell down from high place and broke my leg. my friend tolak dat time. =(

Seven.
I dont like fresh flowers. really. sure they are nice. tapi cepat layu. x suke. nak simpan lame2. so, prefer bunga kertas or plastik. huhu.

Eight.
I tend to think crucially and I have a weird imagination. Swear its true. suke sgt fikir bende2 pelik. dulu kak emi selalu marah sbb suke fikir pelik2. and I like to apply the 'what ifs' theory. haha. rite now, in ipoh, everytime lalu tepi semak dkt my house, sure akan ckp, "what if tibe2 ular sawa ke kuar lalu dpn kt, dr semak nih." eheh.

Nine.I love to keep simple2 notes. More to I love it when sumone writes to me. I'll really appreciate it. Even simple2 words are meaningful enough for me. Sentimental value kot. and could b part of memory. :)

Ten.
I have this bad habit of accidentally sending msgs to wrong person. Selalu sgt kot. And please dunt talk to me while im typing msg. sbb kan I tend to type what you say, or I'll send that msg to person that you mention. tak focus sgt. kadang2 if tgh serabut or tak btol pon bole salah send. my badd.

Eleven.The thing with me is I can travel alone, and I can shop alone, or wander around the mall alone, tapi i can never eat alone. Slalu kene ade org teman makan if tak, mcm no apetite to eat.

Twelve.
I prefer to watch ghost stories or movies than cite yg kejam and bunuh2. sgt ngilu and tak bole tgk. I'm the odd one compare to my housemates.

Thirteen.
I tend to like a guy that has sumthin in similar with the ones from the past. maybe sbb its really hard to move on. pathetic actually.

Fourteen.I get blush easily. and the thing that i cant accept until now, kadang2 malu wit the same sex sgt teruk compare to opp. sex. da byk kali mcm tuh especially dkt pasum dulu. my friends sume ckp pelik. tapi xpe la, nak bwat mcm mane.

The end of list. =)
People think I'm weird because:
Close Friends:
My bestie: you like to act cute when you know you are!
Hanif: u ni suke bende org x suke, n u xtau u ni kadang2 pelik.
Agy: you get blush easily!
Aishah: Boleh pendam perasaan lame2.
Haris : Awk sgt pelik, i cant tell ur happy, or sad, cant even know ur boring or amused, how busy u r, what u think of me, what u hate or like, nothin at all.
(i didnt know im that complex)

Siblings:
Ida: Ckp skema in classic malay. Ngehehe.
Yana: The way u laugh.
Ya: The way u talk.
Abe: Anda sgt membuatkan abe bahagia and akan keluar bilik kalau hang balik.
Nano: Comel? Baik? aha.

Sekian. I loike this tag, because its so me. thanx batch. ;p

People I Tag:
maliq
na
rajer
syam
badrul. =)

My Mr. Melon.

My Mr. Melon. Love you. <3

went back again this weekend because of some family matters, didnt plan to go back actually, but after receiving a phone call from ida, rushed to kl immediately after class.

sorry tarik diri last minute from kem. :((

last nite, i had to teman ida to fetch yana and reza at airport and straight away went to mydin to buy some of adam's stuffs. i did the packing for him, since everyone was busy wit some other things. adam was so excited, till he stayed up late and acted restlessly as usual la kan. dah la sgt manja and mengade smalam. nasib la adik kene layan adam. adik yg jadi mangsa.

now that adam is not around, everyone started to miss you already.

senyap dah rumah adam xde. will see you in 2 weeks time, muhd adam haikal. hope you enjoy urself there. jgn homesick k? :)

today, yana, reza, dila, jo,ida sent me off to jalan duta. serupa nak pg mane la kan. ipoh je kot. haha.

tapii, first time emosi balik ipoh. mayb because of some reasons kot. biarlah.

thank you kakak(s) and abang(s). ida jgn sedih2 k? but if im in ur place, mayb even worse kot. huhu.

ma and pa,

please take care of yourselves.

you'll always b in my prayers.

i cant stand to see you in pain.

i might not show it, but i can feel it too. :((

just wanna let you know,

i love you both, more than anythin else in this world.

abe and nano, take care k?

and ya, who's miles away, balik cepattt. i miss you!

gone.

Ive been planning to make the next visit to see my patient as soon as possible.
Thought of meeting her tomorow, in case there's a free time tomorow.
So, made a phone call. Called few times but couldnt reach her.
Tried to call her daughter as well, but the son-in-law answered.
So, talked to him, and told him to pass the line to my patient.

Shockingly, he answered: Kalai Selvi dah meninggal.

At first, I wasnt so sure, and asked him again.
The moment he told me the details and all, my heart stopped beating.

Betapa besarnya kekuasaan mu Ya Allah,
Engkau mampu mengambil nyawa hambamu bila-bila yg kau mahu.

This happens to be my first patient and the only patient that I have.
The last time I met her was in the end of August and she passed away on the 17th of September.
Never thought that it was the first and the last time I met her.
May you rest in peace.

I know i've to go thru this alone, since my CAS partner, Jad has left me for India.
Ya Allah,sakitnya perasaan ini. i just cant stop crying.

Now baru adik tau mcm mane dila and ya rase when ur patients died. It hurts so much, too painful to take it.
This is the beginning of the chapter in my life, there'll be many more to come.
Shahira, you have to be strong.

:((

To. Mr. H.

I guess I miss you. dats why im writing this.
I'm so sure that you wont be reading this, but its okay.

To you, who used to be my only bbf.

Chapter 1:
There was a jamuan on something back in form 4, during that particular time, you thought i liked some other guy anddd I could clearly remember u're teasing me mcm ape until I got blushed. Mase tuh, sumpah penat kene kacau. we didnt talk much before that, suddenly kene kacau mcm ape this one day. and right after that, we became close. Coincidently.

Chapter 2:
When most of my close friends especially annis and al left for boarding schools, I was a bit lost and it was the time you started to play your part. Starting from there onwards, we became super close, and even closer in form 5.
form 5: probs here and there, everyone was not okay, and facing huge probs including petite. I had no one to turn to. Annis was busy in ktj, susah contact and etc, so the only person I had that time was you.

You never failed to be there for me. You're with me, in every steps i took, being a part of me, a part of my life, and most important thing, my biggest STRENGTH. you know i dont tell probs to my family, and you're always there to listen from a tiny lil bit of it to the most complicated one.

Slowly, the leaves of memory falls.
Slowly, i'll gather and pick them all.

Chapter 3:
Too many memories with you, that it is so hard for me to forget them.
You texted me every single day. Before i woke up, until before going to bed. Even jumpe evryday pon, sure ade bende nak ckp. During ramadhan, sahur time, after terawih. if exam, we both stayed awake and one of us tolong kejotkan if nak tido kejap and bangun study. You called me in the middle of the night, sent me voice sms n stuffs when we both couldnt sleep. :(

Everytime i fell sick, you were so worried abt me. You know I hate going to clinics, and I hate to take meds. and u forced me to take them. and you never get tired of asking me whether im alryte. everytime i wasnt okay, and u saw me at school, balik2 je, awk msg tanye sy okay or tak.
You know everytime i cried, and sy pernah ckp u're the only guy yg sy x malu if nangis dpn awk. still remember? You know i got hurt easily back then kan?
My family knew how close we were. Ingat tak the night u texted me, and u came. after that je, I cried like crazy. evryone was so worried abt me, and you got the blame. they thought it was because of you, when we both know that its because of sumthin else. and the day I went home late, my mum called you in school, asking you abt me and all.

We used to have silly fights over sumthin, and slalunye sbb bende kecik. you know how childish we acted, tapi slalu kejap je gado. no matter how ego pon, one of us akan msg ckp x tahan gado, and we cant live without each other. the worst part when we had this misunderstanding, and u're still with ur ex that time. I told you to forget me, and stop msging me all. tapi we both got hurt badly.

You know i was so scared of lightning n thunder. Evrytime it rained heavily, i sms-ed u. awk tau sy takot. and evrytime hujan lebat, awk tanye sy okay ke tak, and whether im alone. there was this one time, when it was raining heavily, i was alone in school. awk tau sy takot, and you came to teman me. after that, awk ajak ikot for ur hand ball practise.

You know im having a great fear of being alone. dulu, u always walked me to school, everytime after tuition. and there was this one day, awk tak teman sbb kt gado. after that, sy kene ragut and i felt like crying that time. sy terus msg awk, and you were so worried abt me.

There was this one time I was so pissed off dgn sumone. I was with that particular person that time, and sy x tahan duduk situ. sy nak balik. I texted you, sbb ure bz working that time. awk terus call and ckp nak amik sy, though tgh keje.

My birthday in form 5, u and ur friends threw a surprise party for me. I got a frame with ur picture, and the other two(you know who).
My birthday before entering pasum, I was sleeping and you called me to get ready.
We went out, and xtau nak pg mane. end up, lepak dkt starbucks. sat and talked
you made my day. thank you. :)

Ingat tak lagi when we went out for a movie with others, you said you wanted to tell me sumthin but its gonna b a surpise. and that was what others told me too. You told me to wait until tues. tapi mcm nak gile that time. sume tau, and i was the only person tak tau. finally, got to know from my bestfriend. you're goin for umrah, and u didnt tell me. i was supposed to be the first to know, tapi jd the last to know, sgtt sedih. and i couldnt accept ur reasons that time. awk takot sy sedih thats why xnak bgtau. mmg merajuk gile that time and bwat mogok. told you to msg me after balik umrah je, and jgn msg before that. tp last2, tak sampai hati sbb awk ckp nanti awk x tenang dkt sane. before boarding, awk ckp awk akan msg when dah dkt sane, I waited for ur msg, and u didnt disappoint me. you texted me when u're in makkah. :)

The last time i could remember with you, when you came over and had lunch with me back in pasum.

Chapter 4:
We fought over sumthin which I couldnt really remember. and this time, its the worse. I deleted everythin about u, ur number, ur msgs and etc sbb thats the only way i thought i could forget you. and awk dah x contact langsong, not even a raya msg. sgtt sedih k. that time, i told myself i've lost you forever. my pasum friends knew how bad i was during that period of time especially aishah. you left me just like that after so many things we've been thru.
You once told me, u didnt want to lose me, and u'd rather stay single than losing me. guess those words are only words kan?

The only thing i hate the most to be in subang is, everything reminds me of you. Subang reminds me a lot of you. Memories that can never be erased.

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Hanya satu yang ku pinta kasih
Kau warisan wanita yang terakhir,
(WARISAN WANITA TERAKHIR:TEACHER'S PET)

Our fav song. :)

These are the moments,
I thank god that im alive.
These are the moments,
I remember all my life,
I found all ive waited for,
And I couldnt ask for more.
(I COUDNT ASK FOR MORE:EDWIN MCCAIN)

The song I dedicated to you, and you liked it. :)

Now that things are okay btwn us, but it'll never be the same as before.
People changed. Things changed. Evrythin is no longer the same.
and I know I dont have you.
Things are gettin awkward btwn us.
But i'll just pray for the best.

"Wherever you go, i'll be two steps behind you."

I used to tell you that, but after what had happened, me myself am not sure whether I can make it.

Trying to forget you is
like trying to remember someone I
never met.
A million words wouldn't bring you
back.
I know because I've tried. Neither
would
a million tears. I know because I've
cried.

Sat/8 NOV 08/16:16//
I: *******, I miss you!
He: hello dear, miss you too! tgh dkt mane ni?
I: dkt subang. tak balik subang ke? nak jumpe!
He: Disember ni i ade dkt subang. Nanti kite jumpe ek?

To you: I cant wait to tell that im no longer the old shahira. I want you to know that im stronger that before, and I dunt easily get hurt. I'm no longer fragile, and im not a cry-baby nemore. I want to make you become proud of me. :)

Life is an open secret.

From the very first moment Kak Farah(Naqibah) read to us few stories from this book during open usrah, I knew I wanted this book so bad. seriously.
Finally, managed to find those books and bought them! yippie yeay. :)
To rakan-rakan, these books are highly recommended. you wont regret reading it, I tell you. ;p

A groovy introduction to Islam in a very unique, relaxed writing style.
Magical stories by a magical writer. Love the book, love the message and love her ability to make divine wisdom so simple, relevant and easy to apply. :D

Have a look yea.



















The cover of the book. chomel kan?

The content of the book. =)

P/S: It has got nothin to do with what written above, tapi nak bgtau jugak. My lil baby monkey dah kene jual. not exactly mine actually. huhu. tapiii, sedihhh. after dis pg uo dah tak boleh jumpe monkey. :(

Hawa.

Tercipta engkau dari rusuk Adam.
Bukan dari kaki untuk dialasi
Bukan dari kepala untuk dijunjung.
Tapi dekat di bahu untuk dilindungi.
Dekat jua di hati untuk dikasihi.
Engkaulah wanita hiasan duniawi.

Akalmu senipis bilahan rambut,tebalkanlah ia dengan limpahan ilmu.
Jua hatimu bak kaca yang rapuh,kuatkanlah ia dengan iman yang teguh.

Sedarilah insan istimewa,bahawa kelembutan bukan kelemahan.
Bukan jua penghinaan dari Tuhan,bahkan sebagai hiasan kecantikan.

home sweet home.

im finally HOME. yeahh. HEAVEN. :)
feels good to be home. usual feelings everytime im home. aint no other place like home kann?
exam's over, so this weekend shud b a relax one, i could say.

Main Mission for tomorrow:
Ngedate bersama aliah! Its been a whileeeee since i last met my subang friends and lepak.
Everytime there's a get-together, surely shahira is M.I.A. maaflah rakan2. slalu wrong timing.
Jadi Aliah, kt akan tunaikan hasrat awk before awk balik Melaka.
Bak kata Aliah, ade kereta or xde kereta, misi harus diteruskan. dats the spirit. u go girl. teehee.

I so want to go to beach! Sgt ingin mahu. Mama, is it possible for us to go for a short vacation dis weekend? but since my parents gotta run so many errands dis weekend, sy pasrah.
Next time will do. (memujuk diri sendiri) tapi nakkk pg. dah2. dream on. nobody's goin to bring u there.

i dont care if mondays blue.
tuesdays grey and wednesday too.
thursday i dont care about you.
its friday im in love.

Semoga weekend ini indah. :)

tag oh tag.

tagged by: badrulhishamharis.

Law & Order

1) Take a recent picture of yourself or take a picture of yourself right now.
2) Don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair...just take a picture.
3) Post that picture with NO editing.
4) Post these instruction with your picture.
5) Tag 10 people to do this


cardigan+baju tido+eye bag=serabai. ;p

people I tag:

1)aliah

2)batch

3)nina

4)syam

5)maliq

6)pia

7)naadira

and i'm tagging evryone.

im done. tmrw OSPE. wish me luck. :D

Nur Shahira. ;p

My friends were listing out their nicknames, and what people usually call them. So, they came out with nicknames yg chomels. It seems fun.
Nak jugak lah. hee.

Nur Shahira Bt. Anuar.

Well, according to my parents, my name was given by dis one ustaz. Ustaz Saidon kot.( I dunt know how to spell it). Nur is Cahaya while Shahira is Masyhur.
Jadi, Nur Shahira adalah cahaya kemasyhuran. :D
fyi, i like my name. thank you.

You see, everytime i meet sumone new, when they ask me what should they call me, my answer will be the same answer, again and again. Call me whatever you want. Anythin ure comfortable with, will do. I really dont mind.
Entahhh. Dari dulu pon mcm ni. tak pernah nak suruh org panggil by specific names.
Mama always tells me to use shahira rather than other names. Sbb shahira ade makna. if we make it short or use other names, its no longer 'masyhur'. =)

Shahira is a common name though. tapi kann, I used to tell my friends back in pasum, I'd be very happy if people call me shahira. sbb dari dulu, people tend to call me with pelbagai nama, sbb shahira panjang, for them susah nak sebut or panggil. tak kisahla.
tapi sgtt impress if people spell my name correctly. teruja okay. sbb org slalu eja salah. with y la, plus h at the end and etc. haha. funny me.

These are what people normally call me:

Adik: family.
Berra: ya and sumtimes, faiz.
Bedik: also ya. I've no idea where dis word comes from. weirdo.
Shera: my subang friends. jaja was the first to call me that kot. lupe. tapi, form 2 lah.
Shira: ramai. from all over. tapi majority, my pasum friends.
Sherot: nina! the only one.
Sha: normally guys kot.
Ira: err, mostly guys jugak.
Shasha: I forgot. tapi adela.
Sherry: alyssa! my cellmate in pasum.
Shiro: asilah!
Genie: hijaz!
Alya(A2DC): The fabulous 5. Annis as cinta, aliah as maura, batch as milly, and na as carmen.
Caira: Shidot, aten.
Shirota:shifaa.

Funny thing, my friends in rcmp call me shahira. aint no other. pelik jugak. tapi, yeayness. :D
But sumhow, rindu pulak sume name tu.
Thats all kot. Will add more if ade. oh, btw, anyone wants to add more? ;)

sleepless night.

3. 02 a.m : I know im not okay. I'm sure i'm not okay. I cant get rid of it. It keeps on bothering me. whyy. please go away, will you?

Fikiran kusut. Jiwa kacau. Hati resah. Otak penat. Serabut.

I want to sleep like a lil-baby.
Nothin to think of, nothin to worry about.
But how is it possible for me?

Ya ALLAH, berikanlah aku kekuatan.
Hadirlah ke dalam segenap ruang hatiku.
Semoga hatiku tenang kembali dari segala keresahan dan kekusutan ini.
Amin.

denial.

One minute, im happy, the very next minute, im no longer happy. funny ey. How u can b happy in just a minute, and then, its all gone. Sumtimes we have to expect of the unexpected things. The prob wit me is I always expect or more to prepare for the worse. maybe for me, when I think of the worse, and when it actually happens, its not gonna be dat bad.
I do think a lot. Think and think deeply until my mind gets too tired. My friends know that. Often they tell me not to think too much and stop being super paranoid. Sumtimes, I tend to think of the unnecessary things, and it drives me nuts.

Today is not a good day though. Perasaan yg sgt serabut and kacau after sumthin happened. Not gonna elaborate more on that cuz its not sumthin to share wit other people kot. I guess I'll just keep it to myself. Anyway clah, thanks a lot. You really helped. I mean it dis time. Kt tak tau nak buat mcm mane kalau awk xde td. thanks yea. feeling much more better now. :D

Lately, im not being myself. too many distractions, I guess.
Shahira, please get back on the right track. please. stop being silly.


My sister texted me yesterday. After few msgs, she finally said this.
"I think I miss u la"
"Adik tak miss ya ke?"

And my lil bro, Adam calls me almost everyday asking me how am i doin, and etc.
Being Adam, everyone in the family knows that he's super egoistic. He wont call us without a reason.
"Adik, Adam tak boleh tido la. Adam boring"

to my only lil baby, stop being egoistic and please admit that u miss ur sister dearly. haha.
The truth is I'm missing all of you.
After exam adik balik k? :D

When you're sad, think of sumthin which can make you smile. I just did.
Goodbye Mr. Sorrow. I dont want you. I want my Mr. Joy, please. :D

luahan hati.

agdwwsdgywky. ;p

Last minute decision, I finally decided not to go home during dis short hols. menyambut deepavali in Ipoh. heh.


At first, I wasnt so sure whether I could survive well when everyone's leaving. I was so pathetic. Well, its not that im not independent or wat. But then, the thought that im gonna be lonely during dis short period of time is what bothers me the most.
To tell u the truth, I hate being left. Its the fear of being left. I'm not a lil-baby who always relies on other people, but I do admit I hate to be alone. I always need company. And I always need sumone to talk to.

Its only thursday n yet, dira, su, and tira already went home. So, only three of us left but the loneliness starts to sink in. aaaa.

Me: "Clah, mcm mane nih. baru jumaat, tapi kt mcm da depress n sedih gile tgk sume org balik. kt da start rase sgt sunyi n kosong hari ni. Mcm mane kt nak hidup lg brape hr? kt sgt tak suke perasaan ditinggalkan =((( "

Clah: " takpe, kt faham perasaan awk. maybe awk x biase lagi. nanti kt balik awal eh."

As day passes by, its not that bad afterall. And clah, u shud b really proud of me. kt berjaya survive dgn jayanya. Tahniah shahira. hoho. and raden, she drives me crazyy. kegilaan melanda kami berdua. and my favourite script everyday will be, "rumah ini kita yg punya". so, raden, we're free to do whatever we want kan kan? *evil laugh*

Evryday will be hari-yang-indah-bersama-raden, my one and only retard partner and roomie. and my mushy partner. also my partner in crime. we tend to do kerja-gila when the other hsmates are not around. Like today. At the end of the day, we became all mushy.

sweet lah konon kan.

p/s: clah, jgn jealous k? anda tetap terpahat di lubuk sanubari. ;p

Went out with raden the whole day n bought some stuffs.

Its a-love-at-a-first sight. chomel tak? I loike. hee. :D

and she bought a pair of shoes too.

Kami jatuh cinta dgn keychain ini. so, we bought em.


Wanted the red one at first, but finally chose the blue one. found it adorable. hee.

Sekian. =)

Jamuan Aidilfitri Phase I A

Event: Sambutan Hari Raya Aidilfitri 2008(Phase 1A)
Theme: Baju Raya
Venue: Kak Syikin's place
Date: 21/10/08
Time: 2.30-6.00 p.m


Things went well today. Alhamdulillah. Credits to those who organised the jamuan, especially to Miss Sarania. You did a great job. Well done. and also to evryone who came. terima kasih lah semua. It was a blast. I had a great time, and am pretty sure everyone did. =)

So, here are some pics:


The most hilarious part

Mastermind: Zahhar.
Akad-Nikah Session.

Majlis Selesai. =)

We have a quite complicated family tree. There are few families involved. Last2, sume pon mixed-up n its kinda confusing. eheh. but its okay, u go figure out urself k? =)

Kami bersame Abi(Najib) =)

My very own family.

Mummy, Daddy, Kak Long, Kak Ngah, Kak Chik, Kak Chu.
You tell me which is which. ;p

Walaupon fake, tetap chomel. :D

We are one. =)



Kaum Muslimat.

Kaum Muslimin.


Nasyid time conducted by Along. =)


Some of the crowd. =)



Some of the food.

Finally, my adorable housemates. =D

Akhir kata, syg anda semua.

Sesungguhnya, ukhuwwah itu indah. =)

A post with 'bercampur-baur' emotions and stories. heh.

Went to Rumah Perlindungan Pernim on the previous saturday for Jamuan Raya Bersama Anak-anak yatim. not gonna tell u the whole journey and what i did n yada yada yada.
The most important thing is, im so in-love with those kiddos n babies. *drools*
semua pon chomel lah.

I couldnt remember all the names, since there were too many of them, sampai dis one lil girl asyik ckp, "kakak, name die bukan ... lah, tapi ..."
dat was embarassing, tp xpela. agak susah nak ingat sume pon.

Basically, there are 2 kids dat I could remember the most. Murni and Daniel.
Daniel is one super duper hyperactive, mischievious and naughty lil baby. He's not afraid of stangers, really. As long as u dukung him everywhere u go, he's gonna love u. trust me.

and Murni, she's a sweet, innocent young girl. Never fails to put on a sweet smile on her innocent face. But she does look really weak. She suffers from HIV/AIDS and she doesnt has that many friends like others and yet, shes happy enough.
I just got to know from raden that according to doctor, she can only live within 3 days, but today, wit God's will, she's still breathing. Allah is Great.
Felt like crying the moment raden told me about her. She was so manja with me n shes such a sweety. Asyik teringat je. =(((

To Murni: be strong k? ull always b in my prayers, Insyaallah.

Here comes the part I love the most.
There were these two '1-year-old-aged-baby'. Again, forgot their names. Lets just say, Taufiq and Syamil.
Syamil was playing around, and he left his 'puting susu' on the carpet without realising it. So, Taufiq came n took it. When Syamil looked around, he found out dat it was with Taufiq. He wanted to take it, but Taufiq refused to give him, and innocently, he thought dat it was his. Syamil started to cry and cry, until dis one '5 years-old-aged-boy' came to rescue Syamil. eheh. With gentle n care, that particular boy dukung Syamil n brought him sumwhere else. Then, he came again n said dis to Taufiq affectionately.

"Taufiq, bg 'puting susu' ni dkt abg boleh? Nanti abg beli yg baru utk taufiq k"

Ya Allah, i was so speechless dat time. Sgt menakjubkan. And it was so touching.
How a responsible brother managed to take care of his adik-adik, when the fact dat they are not his flesh n blood.
You see,how independently they could act, because they are already
used to it. Its all about sharing. Its all about give-and-take. Its all about love.

am listening to A2DC sountrack. To : Cinta, Maura, Milly, Carmen, I miss all of youuuuu. =((

p/s: dunt blame me. blame the period. heh.

warna-warna riangg.

Merah, Jingga dan Merah Jambu adalah warna-warna kerianganku.

Juga adalah warna kekuatanku.

Warna-warna riang apabila bergabung menjadi satu,

maka itu adalah Shahira. teehee.

n suddenly it reminds me of papa's msg.

"Pelangi yg indah tu pun datang dgn membawa adik yg tersenyum riang"

cute, innit?

n papa once bought me dis one novel entitled pelangi.

papa saya adalah chomel.
yg terchomel sekali di dunia. :D

sygggg papa.
xoxo.

tag.

RULES:
Pick your birth month.
-Strike out anything that doesn’t apply to you._
-Bold (or italicize) the best apply to you.
-Copy to your own blog, with all twelve months.
-Tag 5 people.

tagged by al.
mine will be May. so, here it goes.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted(stubborn is true, but not hard-hearted) Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. (im really nt sure abt dis. mayb sumtimes, it applies) Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. (and dis one too. u tell me. heh) Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally.(and dis one jugak. eheh) Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike being at home.(dis is soooo NOT TRUE okay?) Restless.(well, it depends) Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.




JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves makingfriend s but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves travelling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. NMAYeeds no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor.

PEOPLE I TAG:
-na
-batch
-pia
-mirul
-syam

there was dis seminar on 'carcinogenesis' held at BLT, but since clah n i were all restless during dat particular time, dis is wat we actually did. ;p

p/s: fyi, we did listen. tapi at the same time, we did the 'note-taking' jugak kan clah. dis is wat we call multitasking. ;;p


Page 2.




Page 1

it shud b more, but erased some.

and dis is what raden did:

A I ' N U L

A- A llah is in my heart always.

I- I ndependent

N-N aive

U-U nique

L-L ove ????

so, here comes the devil me, n clah too.

clah:

A- A silah

I- I s

N-N ice

U-U nbound

L- L ove

shahira:

A-A inul

I-I s

N-N ever

U-Unique yet the gedik-est

L-Loser.

;p

sorry raden. eheh.

oh btw, clah did dis for me. so shweet of you.

i asked her to do sumthin for me, and she came up wit dis.

but anyway, i loike it. teehee.

the more-pics-less-writing-post.

Place I Always Want To Go.

The Kampung Site and The Paddy Field.

The Things I Love.

the top in the list. the sound of waves is soothing.

the raindrops.

pretty rainbow. love em. a definitely turn-me-on for me.

Subhanallah

The Two Things That Make Me Happy When I'm Sad.

Number one.

Those kids, cant resist them. Sumthin about their innocent faces really melt me.

My heart smiles everytime i see them. =)

Number two .

These adorable creatures, they definitely make my day. =)

Dalam mencari ketenangan, these things are the therapies.

Bimbang(A2DC soundrack)


Pertama kali aku tergugah
Dalam setiap kata yang kau ucap
Bila malam tlah datang
Terkadang ingin ku tulis semua perasaan
Kata orang rindu itu indah
Namun bagiku ini menyiksa
Sejenak ku fikirkan untuk ku benci saja dirimu
Namun sulit ku membenci


Pejamkan mata bila kuingin bernafas lega
Dalam anganku aku berada disatu persimpangan jalan yang sulit kupilih
Ku peluk semua indah hidupku
Hikmah yang ku rasa sangat tulus
Ada dan tiada cinta bagiku tak mengapa
Namun ada yang hilang separuh diriku


apparently, dis song has been stucked in my head for the past few days.
and apparently, dis is exactly wat i feel. hmm.

MEMORY:2003.

rain drops.

Pouring day after day soggy dark and gray yet warm hearts sunny smiles brightening my way.

=)

the rain drop is falling, and a girl sits next to the window, staring at the dark sky with deep thoughts.

hujan rintik-rintik.
call me the rain-lover, i am. god knows how much i lovee rains. calming cool effect on me.
for no specific reasons, i adore em. dunt ask me why, alryte.

i wanna live like dis forever, but there's no way it can stay forever.
things always come and go.
and when it rains, ull be my rainbow in the sky. =D
come wit me, and take my hand.
lets dance together in the pouring rain.

and everytime it rains, i tend to miss people i love.
dats the only thing i hate the most.
to miss sumone, is not a big deal though. sure.
but sometimes, it hurts so bad. sakit.
=(
=(
=(

I MISS youu.

happy birthdayy, sweets.

dis isnt a proper one. will write one later, since im in a rush. waiting for hyder and iylman to fetch me and bertolak to ipoh bersame2.

anyways, happy sweet 19th bday, annis natalia abdul hamed shah, the one and only bff.
i heart youu much much
as deep as ocean.
as high as mountains.
as much as the twinkling stars in the sky.

dann, sehingga infiniti.


sorry i cant celebrate wit u. =((


p/s: love you always.


trully, madly, deeply.
your bestfren.

kehilangan.

went to masjid today for maghrib prayer, and i realised sumthin..
there's a huge emptiness in here, deep down in my heart.
i feel empty. a total emptiness.
and i can feel a great LOSS.

i miss going to mosque during ramadhan.
i miss performing terawih evry nite.
i miss the feeling of warmth n the soothiness of ramadhan.
i miss the last 10 nights of ramadhan.
i miss searching for lailatul qadar
and i simply miss everythin about ramadhan.
bulan yg penuh keampunan dan kenikmatan Allah.

Ya ALLAH,
semoga aku diberi peluang utk bertemu dgn ramadhan mu lagi.
semoga ramadhan yg lalu memberi seribu pengertian buat diriku.
dan semoga ramadhan yg lalu adalah terbaik berbanding yg sebelumnya.
aku rindu akan kenikmatan ramadhan mu, ya ALLAH.
kenikmatan yg tidak dpt digambarkan dgn kata-kata.

sesungguhnya, pemergiannya adalah satu kehilangan besar buat diriku.

tiada motif.

ini adalah blog yg berunsurkan motif-less. hee.

the main mission for today:
tidy up the-super-duper-messy-room.
ever since i went to ipoh, dis room of mine is no longer alive. segala nyawa telah hilang.

it had gotten worse, since the wedding occasion.
dis is due to the fact dat evryone dumped in evry single thing in dat particular room.
so, as a result, hmm, well, im sure u can imagine urself.
the moment u step into dat room, u wish u would never enter dat room in the first place,
and never will again. haha.

so, wish me luck.
lets get it started.

goodbye.

the first post. =)

its 2.58 a.m, and i still keep myself awake due to some reasons which arent to b mentioned. heh.
needless to know, cuz they arent important.
ive got nothin much to say, really. at dis moment.

but anyways, i surely have something for you. yeah, its you.
courtesy of my own.


wishing u a good nyte sleep wit simple good nyte msg from me.

let the stars shine brightly, in the midst of the night.
let the stars dance joyfully, to brighten up the gloomy skies.
let the stars smile still, and watch upon you while ure sleeping.
till the break of dawn,
till the very next minute you open up ur eyes,
till the sun starts to rise and make the rest of ur day,
and till you watch the stars again,
shining beautifully in the soundless night,
they be with you.

so, there u go.
good night, YOU. dream of the sweetest dream tonight.