To. Mr. H.

I guess I miss you. dats why im writing this.
I'm so sure that you wont be reading this, but its okay.

To you, who used to be my only bbf.

Chapter 1:
There was a jamuan on something back in form 4, during that particular time, you thought i liked some other guy anddd I could clearly remember u're teasing me mcm ape until I got blushed. Mase tuh, sumpah penat kene kacau. we didnt talk much before that, suddenly kene kacau mcm ape this one day. and right after that, we became close. Coincidently.

Chapter 2:
When most of my close friends especially annis and al left for boarding schools, I was a bit lost and it was the time you started to play your part. Starting from there onwards, we became super close, and even closer in form 5.
form 5: probs here and there, everyone was not okay, and facing huge probs including petite. I had no one to turn to. Annis was busy in ktj, susah contact and etc, so the only person I had that time was you.

You never failed to be there for me. You're with me, in every steps i took, being a part of me, a part of my life, and most important thing, my biggest STRENGTH. you know i dont tell probs to my family, and you're always there to listen from a tiny lil bit of it to the most complicated one.

Slowly, the leaves of memory falls.
Slowly, i'll gather and pick them all.

Chapter 3:
Too many memories with you, that it is so hard for me to forget them.
You texted me every single day. Before i woke up, until before going to bed. Even jumpe evryday pon, sure ade bende nak ckp. During ramadhan, sahur time, after terawih. if exam, we both stayed awake and one of us tolong kejotkan if nak tido kejap and bangun study. You called me in the middle of the night, sent me voice sms n stuffs when we both couldnt sleep. :(

Everytime i fell sick, you were so worried abt me. You know I hate going to clinics, and I hate to take meds. and u forced me to take them. and you never get tired of asking me whether im alryte. everytime i wasnt okay, and u saw me at school, balik2 je, awk msg tanye sy okay or tak.
You know everytime i cried, and sy pernah ckp u're the only guy yg sy x malu if nangis dpn awk. still remember? You know i got hurt easily back then kan?
My family knew how close we were. Ingat tak the night u texted me, and u came. after that je, I cried like crazy. evryone was so worried abt me, and you got the blame. they thought it was because of you, when we both know that its because of sumthin else. and the day I went home late, my mum called you in school, asking you abt me and all.

We used to have silly fights over sumthin, and slalunye sbb bende kecik. you know how childish we acted, tapi slalu kejap je gado. no matter how ego pon, one of us akan msg ckp x tahan gado, and we cant live without each other. the worst part when we had this misunderstanding, and u're still with ur ex that time. I told you to forget me, and stop msging me all. tapi we both got hurt badly.

You know i was so scared of lightning n thunder. Evrytime it rained heavily, i sms-ed u. awk tau sy takot. and evrytime hujan lebat, awk tanye sy okay ke tak, and whether im alone. there was this one time, when it was raining heavily, i was alone in school. awk tau sy takot, and you came to teman me. after that, awk ajak ikot for ur hand ball practise.

You know im having a great fear of being alone. dulu, u always walked me to school, everytime after tuition. and there was this one day, awk tak teman sbb kt gado. after that, sy kene ragut and i felt like crying that time. sy terus msg awk, and you were so worried abt me.

There was this one time I was so pissed off dgn sumone. I was with that particular person that time, and sy x tahan duduk situ. sy nak balik. I texted you, sbb ure bz working that time. awk terus call and ckp nak amik sy, though tgh keje.

My birthday in form 5, u and ur friends threw a surprise party for me. I got a frame with ur picture, and the other two(you know who).
My birthday before entering pasum, I was sleeping and you called me to get ready.
We went out, and xtau nak pg mane. end up, lepak dkt starbucks. sat and talked
you made my day. thank you. :)

Ingat tak lagi when we went out for a movie with others, you said you wanted to tell me sumthin but its gonna b a surpise. and that was what others told me too. You told me to wait until tues. tapi mcm nak gile that time. sume tau, and i was the only person tak tau. finally, got to know from my bestfriend. you're goin for umrah, and u didnt tell me. i was supposed to be the first to know, tapi jd the last to know, sgtt sedih. and i couldnt accept ur reasons that time. awk takot sy sedih thats why xnak bgtau. mmg merajuk gile that time and bwat mogok. told you to msg me after balik umrah je, and jgn msg before that. tp last2, tak sampai hati sbb awk ckp nanti awk x tenang dkt sane. before boarding, awk ckp awk akan msg when dah dkt sane, I waited for ur msg, and u didnt disappoint me. you texted me when u're in makkah. :)

The last time i could remember with you, when you came over and had lunch with me back in pasum.

Chapter 4:
We fought over sumthin which I couldnt really remember. and this time, its the worse. I deleted everythin about u, ur number, ur msgs and etc sbb thats the only way i thought i could forget you. and awk dah x contact langsong, not even a raya msg. sgtt sedih k. that time, i told myself i've lost you forever. my pasum friends knew how bad i was during that period of time especially aishah. you left me just like that after so many things we've been thru.
You once told me, u didnt want to lose me, and u'd rather stay single than losing me. guess those words are only words kan?

The only thing i hate the most to be in subang is, everything reminds me of you. Subang reminds me a lot of you. Memories that can never be erased.

Warisan wanita terakhir
Jiwa raga ku serah
Kau ingin milik segalanya
Di mana kasihmu tiada kau memberi
Apa yang ku perlu hanya kau dapat memberi
Hanya satu yang ku pinta kasih
Kau warisan wanita yang terakhir,
(WARISAN WANITA TERAKHIR:TEACHER'S PET)

Our fav song. :)

These are the moments,
I thank god that im alive.
These are the moments,
I remember all my life,
I found all ive waited for,
And I couldnt ask for more.
(I COUDNT ASK FOR MORE:EDWIN MCCAIN)

The song I dedicated to you, and you liked it. :)

Now that things are okay btwn us, but it'll never be the same as before.
People changed. Things changed. Evrythin is no longer the same.
and I know I dont have you.
Things are gettin awkward btwn us.
But i'll just pray for the best.

"Wherever you go, i'll be two steps behind you."

I used to tell you that, but after what had happened, me myself am not sure whether I can make it.

Trying to forget you is
like trying to remember someone I
never met.
A million words wouldn't bring you
back.
I know because I've tried. Neither
would
a million tears. I know because I've
cried.

Sat/8 NOV 08/16:16//
I: *******, I miss you!
He: hello dear, miss you too! tgh dkt mane ni?
I: dkt subang. tak balik subang ke? nak jumpe!
He: Disember ni i ade dkt subang. Nanti kite jumpe ek?

To you: I cant wait to tell that im no longer the old shahira. I want you to know that im stronger that before, and I dunt easily get hurt. I'm no longer fragile, and im not a cry-baby nemore. I want to make you become proud of me. :)