I hope you’re doing fine out there without me
'Cause I'm not doing so good without you
The things I thought you'd never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood
So how could I have been so blind for all these years
I guess I only see the truth through all this fear of living without you.

Corus Paradise.

2 days, and a night stay was all worth it. enough said. and of course, setelah diketepikan segala bentuk cabaran at the beginning of the journey. :)

Breathtaking.

the three stooges. :D

at last! thank you kerana merealisasikan hasrat. :)

when she says.

first thing first, goodbye ipoh.
we'll see you in a week time, okayh?

location: ipoh.

it feels diff not having ma, pa, abe n nano around. a strange funny feeling. i kinda feel, err, incomplete? not exactly sedih. tipu gila. haha. okay okay, i better admit that i was kinda sad, the nite before they went off, since i wasnt around to send em.
tapi, im okay now. mayb sbb last year pon they went for umrah, lagi sedih, and back in 2004, they went for haj. lagi laa sedihhh. so, this time less sedih. immune. :)

230109
01:52 a.m
papa lovey: Br touchdown di madinah, sayang. Alhamdulillah, penerbangan lancar n selamat. how's everything in M'sia? we all tgh que immigration clearance di airport. good night sayang.

Alhamdulillah, they arrived safely. we'll see you in 2 weeks time.
I Miss You.

Second thing, now i can sleep wit my BILLY temporarily. period. But left Moo Moo in Ipoh. takpela, fair and square. now turn billy pulak. heh.

Billy given by kakak, Moo moo, by nano.
*winks*

take a deep look at this picture. aint em adorable? sgtttttt kan. i'm drooling over those cupcakes and i want this badlyyyyyyy.
serious nakkk. i prefer this instead of bday cake. padahal bday lambatt lagi. haha.
but nothin wrong wit that, at least one way of mengiburkan hati.

i loike!

compilation of memoirs.

woke up early in the morning,
checked my hp,
few new msgs, few missed calls,
read em, erased em.

was about to delete other msgs in my inbox, but i ended up smiling to myself. :)

the same color represents the same person, okay?



2007:
" If u'r happy, i'll b happy too. If u'r sad, i'll b sad too. If u'r angry, i'll b angry too, If u'r crying, i'll cry with u, If u need help, i'm here for u, If u wanna tell, i'll listen to u.
I luv ya dear! "

"Yesterday u told me sumthin i thought u knew, and I told u with a smile, 'its all about u'. Then u whispered in my ears and u told me too, said 'u make my life worthwhile', its all about you. "

"Hey. ull b fine dear. True frenship lasts the test of time. She wont b gone 4eva"

"ouhh. eh? we need u. seriously weyh. huhu. pls, pls kay."

"Hi, how r u? I'm going back 2 Japan next week. If possible, maybe we can go for a lunch if u'r free?"
(okay, this part is hilarious. there's a story behind it. haha. i miss u, hide-my classmate in british council)

"Huhu. once upon a time, there was a genie whu culdnt fall asleep. so, she closd her eyes n thot of hepi thots dat made her smile. thn she fell asleep. ;p"

" Bestnye dpt peluk awk be4 gi matriks. syg awk.
Thanks. u too. good luck kat pasum nanti. i luv u so much"
(knowing her, i couldnt believe she actly wrote dat. terharu)

"Ok. Up to u lar. B prepared for 6 tough years ahead! We r ryt behind u!"
(This sumhow means a lot to me. thanx)

"Shera. how r u 2day? Kt doakan awk cepat sihat k. ktorg sume risau. take care yah. klu kt ad kat ruma blh jgk dtg tgk. tp sume jauh2.pls take care tau shera. rehat k."
(when i had rubella.)

"sdey la x dpt jumpe awk lg da pasni. =( hey thanks 4 da pressie!so cute. u bought tht frm swak eh?thanx syg! n thanx 4 da massage td. hehee. =)"

2008:
"Aww. kt sedih.tsk2.kt tau ktorg sume hargai eachother dgn cara yg berbeda.kita semua.as long as ktorg sume stay cnncted. i'Allah bnde ni akn bertahan. thanx jugak shera. d thought of still having korang sume buat kt kuat. :D tdolah.gudnite."

"oh. insyaallah. just so u knw, i miss u. walau kt da jarang jumpe, tp kt still syg awk. n sowry if i do neglect u. i was a jerk. tp awk still top5 org plg pntg kt. :)"

"Salam syera, ape khabar, sy sgt teringat kat awk, sy rase semakin jauh dgn awk, tp sy x pernah lupa awk, byk sgt gembira dgn awk. Harap awk sihat"


"Jangan bilang tidak' jikaku berkata yg 'ku merindu'i kamu. namun daku 'menjaga hati'ku supaya tidak mengikut kata hati kernaku tahu 'cinta' boleh membuatkan manusia buta.
'ku mahu kau tahu' bahawa 'bila aku sudah tiada', hatiku tetap menjadi milikmu.
(another hilarious one. creative mind, aishah. combinations of our memoirs, pasum time. i miss!)

sentimental, i know. shahira mmg begini. i actually saved those msgs cuz each of em has a story behind it, and i still remember semuanya.
memoirs.

2 weeks of hectiness, due to the pack schedule of Cardiovascular System Module. tough and pack, yet interesting, really. better though, i like it this way. at least i know i need to stay focus, and put aside the other unimportant minor minor things.

unfortunately, the entire week has been a real, devastating one. physically, emotionally, spritually devastating. the inner conflict is even worse, you know. tiring indeed. this is what we call, a private war within oneself. on my side, and also on the other side. i'm scared i'll lose my grip. i'm scared i cant hold on, no more. please you. i don't like getting involved in this kinda thing. i'm so freaking tired to be the middle person. dari dulu pon.

and please, don't drag me into ur own mess. boleh tak? grow up will you? and act maturely boleh? how i wish i could b ignorant, not that selfish ignorant idiot, but at least, the positive side of it, i wont b hurting so much.
when i'm mad, i prefer to keep queit. when my world is falling apart, i prefer to fix things back on my own. i always thought i could solve things by myself, but sumtimes, you know, its killing me on the inside. its just, and urggh feeling. tau tak? why do you have to do this to me, when i did nothin to you? why do you have to screw things up only bcause of silly little things. let me tell you, its the egoistic part of you. you're such an ego maniac, and do you know how much i hate that?

please everyone. please. i need some respect. i think its the time for me to change. how i wish i could voice out everythin? how i wish i could tell you what exactly i feel? how i wish i could tell you whats going on my mind. how i wish kan.
kenapa kita selalu terlalu fikirkan perasaan org lain, tapi org lain tak pernah kisah kan? penat. sgt penat. thank god, i'm goin back tomorow, to the place where i belong.

i want to go back to my high school days. when everything seemed so wrong, only with a simple-magic-warm-hug, i felt at ease.
i need hugs. :(

pija dearest.

pijaaaa ku sygggg.
happy sweet 20th bday, my dearest darling. i miss youuu.
haf a blast k? kt doakan awk selalu. :)

credits to al, for the bday video.

do visit http://aliahkama.blogspot.com/ to watch the video, okay?

and i'm missing each and evryone of you in the video.
at least, terubat rindu.
thank you missy aleyya. :D

last but not least, to pija, call me watever you want, i still love you. kt tak kisah. yg penting anda tetap bertakhta di hati. and of course, cubitan berbisa yg tak mungkin kt lupekan sampai bila-bila.
and ohh, i heart youu thisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss much.
xoxo.

Bingung

Semalam mentari menghilang
dan siang ini bulan ikut serta

Sungguh…
Cukup lama kunanti ia terbit
Hingga kusadari langit t’lah gelap

Sungguh…
Cukup lama kutunggu pijar bintang
Hingga kusadari salah jam

Kemarin…
Lautan masih kekeringan, sebab
Daratan masih saja kebanjiran

Kemarin…
Apa yang tampak masih saja tak terlihat
dan yang tersembunyi menyeruak dengan mudahnya

Bingung.

say you.

Hidup tak selalunya indah, langit tak selalu cerah. kann?
to you, thousand apologies.
im trully sorry.
good nite.

coincidence?

Disangka tidur hanya sehari
Rupanya 309 tahun
Zaman bertukar beberapa kurun
Di bumi bersejarah Urdhu.

Begitulah kuasa Ilahi
Kepada ashabhul kahfi
Tiada mustahil di dunia ini
Jika kita beriman dan bertakwa.

i was singing this song, entitled Ashabul Kahfi, by Raihan thru out the day, and even now. i wonder why too. until after maghrib prayer, when i opened Al-Qur'an to continue reciting from the page i stopped yesterday, suprisingly, the nx page i opened, it was written "Al-Kahfi".
mcm tergamam seketika. a big coincidence kan? gembira, and at the same time, ade satu perasaan halus yg menyelinap masuk ke hati, lagi2 when bace terjemahan. am listening to the song rite now, sbb raden suruh dgr. :)

Persoalan demi persoalan, mungkinkah sesuatu di sebalik semua ini?
wallahu'alam.

cerita tentang mereka.

new discovery; now i know the whole family read my blog except for pa, and abe(i'm not sure abt abe). this is embarassing. like seriously. and my sisters are my regular blog readers. i don't really mind at all, but still malu jugaklah kan. adam lagi laa poyo. " eleh adik, tulis psl adam dlm blog. terharu adam". whatever lah kan. end of the story.

i'm goin back to ipoh tmrw, finally, after 2 weeks of break. its gonna be awkward to write 2009, instead of 2008. hafta get use to it. awal tahun, mcm ni lah gayanya. ;p andd, reminder to shahira anuar, enough of fooling around,sekian terima kasih. :D new year, new spirit. kononn. ;p serious nervous to meet everyone in ipoh. *butterflies in stomach*
yawn. merapek sy, i know.

within this short period of time, i'm pretty satisfied. i finally manage to shorten the list of 'who-i-have-to-meet' especially friends. pia, after this jgn ckp kt sombong da k? :) n ohh, i started to miss my cousins already. no more hingar-bingar, no mo funn. a month with all of you around, it was a blast. no kidding. i miss you, budak-budak. kak shahira rindu kamu semua. no mo senaman si tommy, no mo bedtime stories. i miss! *supersigh* :(

to my dear bestie, thank you for the time. annis is goin back to uk, on the 14th of jan, and i wont b around by that time, so, goodbye-in-advance. take care sweety.

to nina dearest, i'm eagerly waiting for you to come home. am counting the days. tick tock tick tock. sy rindu awkk.

to aliah, selamat berjuang utk peperiksaan yg bakal menjelang. you soo gonna rock it, and u're my forever rockstar. kt dan yg lain doakan. insyaallah. :)

PALING PENTING!
maliq janji nak bwk kt gi PD kann? you better make it up for me, or ill haunt you in ur dreams. haha. kt nakkk. da lame sgt sgt sgttt nak pg.

last but not least, pictures. goodbye evryone.

miserable.

i miss some people from the past, terribly. whether i miss, or they've just come across my mind, and well, suddenly, teringat. which is which, im not sure. mimpi punya pasal lah ni. now im blaming all those weird dreams which coincidentally occured one after another. pelik perhaps. i just don't know. apparently, it's been bothering me. cuti pon susah. i soo need to get back to hectic life.

the ironic part, evrythin rings a bell to me. the place, the crowd, the smell, the songs, simply everythin. when i smell sumthin, automatically, it reminds me of a place which i've been before, the people who used to b around me, incidents taking place. semua lah. songs especially, every song actually has sumthin behind it, at least for me. and i can tell you, this song is for who, that song is for who, and who belongs to that particular song. haha.

and now, at this moment, sgttt teringat those people in the past. yg mmg dah tak tau ape cite. tapi, i would like to hear from them the soonest, at this very moment. those people, yg i purposely changed my old e-mail, account and evrythin, yg i deleted their contacts, yg i deleted all msgs in my inbox, contacts from phone book. i was trying so hard to make sure i can never reach them dah in the future. fyi, this is my only way to forget sumone. true that. it works for me. sampai mmg dah takkan mampu menjejaki mereka ini.

tapi sekarang tgk lah ape jadi. i tried to find their names in my phone book, sumhow hoping too much that i eventually save em, search thru facebook and all, and many other ways, but at the end of the day, it didnt even work. i came to realise that i couldnt even remember some of the names ponn. i feel miserable. ahh. penat mencari, lalu surrender. serious pathetic gila. padan muka sendiri. sape suruh.

i hope i'll hear from you, someday. just wanna check on you, and just wanna know how u're doin. tu je. nothin more. salah ke? :((