emosi atau suara hati.

if u think u love sumone, then think again. to like sumone and to love are 2 diff things. maybe u just care.
jelasnya, emosi dan suara hati adalah dua perkara yg berbeda.
dari suara hati, maka lahirlah emosi.
dan sering kali, emosi yg merajai diri kita, tanpa kt sedari suara hati sebenar.
dahla, im gettin confused here. u wont get the point pon. heh.

anddd, please please if u cant make it, then why bother to make one?

promises arent mend to be broken tauu.

benci. its easier said than done okayy?
bukan marah, tapi im very disappointed with you. lain kali jgn janji da. its better.

ini adalah suara hati sebenar. not that emotions thingy.

enough of that.

went for blood test yesterday. another assumption: SLE.
results will b out nx week. wish me luck. hee.

missing-the-girls-mode.

in mood for:
-futsal
-paint-ball
-go-kart

dannn
-daytona with the girls would be fun.

i need a girls-day-out. annis, al, batch, na, nak korgg bole? pinjam satu hari pon jadi lah.
anddd also a bonding-session with the petite. pretty please?
pija, mimi, syaza, liyana, amalina, sarah, hanis. its been ages. kt rindu koranggg. btol tak tipu.

to agyyy,kt rindu awk sgt2. nak jumpe!
aisyah, si budak kechik yg super naughty, dan fairuz: kt teringat korg. n kt nak jumpe korg. rindu. =(
rajer: i miss the good all days. i mean it.
pia: its been a whileeeee. im sorry i coudnt find time to make it.

swear i super miss high school. those were the days.

No reason why.

No reason why.

my condition is gettin worse from time to time. in fact, this time its the worse. i cant really explain, its just, hmm, hard to explain. today is the third day, and am still feeling very weak. i couldnt recall when it exactly happened, but sumwhere in April, when i was in pasum, but it wasnt that bad during that period of time.

its nothin serious, but im suffering, to tell you the truth. only god knows. the symptoms start showing off every month, and from month to month, its becoming even worse. took few tablets of painkiller, but still sakit. sgtt2 lemah. ive been sleeping all day, and i just couldnt do anythin. i even walked like a zombie. everyone was asking me wats wrong with me, tapi ntahhh. susah nak ckp. when i get to know the main reason, ill let you know.

my 2 sisters who are in medical line cant figure out what the main prob is. in fact, the last time i had this 'thing', went to clinic but the doctor said he didnt know wats the real prob n causes and he's not ashamed to tell me that it was the first time he saw a case like this. and the next thing i did was went to see one of final year's lecturers who's also a specialist, and he told me that it has got sumthin to do wit hormones, and i had to take stronger pain killer.

as i mentioned before, this time, its the worse. texted my sis last nite and told her about my condition. and he told my mum. few minutes later, i got a non-stop msgs and calls from my family. this morning, my parents came all the way from kl, and brought me to ipoh specialist hospital. another assumption made-severe drug allergy. the doctor said its bad and very unusual, but she told me not to worry. made an appointment and i've to come again to take blood test, med check-up and etc. then only the main cause will b identified. and now im in kl, 2 days earlier before hols start.
sorry ma and pa, for troubling you.

too many assumptions people have made everytime they see me. kadang2 rase nak gelak.
tp xpelah, people wont understand. only those who know understand what am i goin thru.
insyallah everything will be fine, but only time matters. :)

few symptoms: bruises, swelling, redness, pain, bleeding, etc.
mcm imflammation pulak. ;p

The 5 people I tag are to then to follow my footsteps and write their own 10 weird things/habits and little known facts.
- No tag backs (as in once I’ve done this, please don’t tag this exact tag again.)

Lets change the rules. Instead of 10 weird things, you can list out as many as you want. :)

One.
I love cheesy food but i can never eat cheese cake bcause it causes migraine really. and no coffee flavor at all, please. migraine jugak.

Two.
I can smile and laugh all of a sudden in a middle of conversations or no conversations because I tend to remember all those funny funny moments like tibe2 je. I have many many ways of laughing. trust me. haha.

Three.
I love the smell of petrol in petrol kiosk, the smell of the grass after rain, and and bau asap yg mcm dkt kampung. its diff tau. not the smell of pollutions tuh. entahla, xtau nak explain.

Four.
Suke org main2 tangan or kaki or kepala especially when im sleepy. but currently tangan la. main2 as in gosok or geletek. eheh. dulu, me and nano sure akan main kaki each other before tido. and while papa bace yasin after prayers, i love to sleep on his lap and papa akan gosok2 my forehead. tapi, nano and adam selalu jealous and sibuk! slalu jugak suro sape2 main tangan. now my friends lah jadi mangsa. ;p

Five.
I prefer to 'siang ikan' than 'potong ayam' as in potong ayam from the whole chicken to the smaller parts(thigh, wing, etc). tak suke sgt. especially when frozen.

Six.
I have this fear of driving, mayb because got myself into few accidents. trauma.
and scared of height as well. sgt gayat if i were to look down from high suface. even from 2nd floor pon tak bole. because when i was in standard 3, i fell down from high place and broke my leg. my friend tolak dat time. =(

Seven.
I dont like fresh flowers. really. sure they are nice. tapi cepat layu. x suke. nak simpan lame2. so, prefer bunga kertas or plastik. huhu.

Eight.
I tend to think crucially and I have a weird imagination. Swear its true. suke sgt fikir bende2 pelik. dulu kak emi selalu marah sbb suke fikir pelik2. and I like to apply the 'what ifs' theory. haha. rite now, in ipoh, everytime lalu tepi semak dkt my house, sure akan ckp, "what if tibe2 ular sawa ke kuar lalu dpn kt, dr semak nih." eheh.

Nine.I love to keep simple2 notes. More to I love it when sumone writes to me. I'll really appreciate it. Even simple2 words are meaningful enough for me. Sentimental value kot. and could b part of memory. :)

Ten.
I have this bad habit of accidentally sending msgs to wrong person. Selalu sgt kot. And please dunt talk to me while im typing msg. sbb kan I tend to type what you say, or I'll send that msg to person that you mention. tak focus sgt. kadang2 if tgh serabut or tak btol pon bole salah send. my badd.

Eleven.The thing with me is I can travel alone, and I can shop alone, or wander around the mall alone, tapi i can never eat alone. Slalu kene ade org teman makan if tak, mcm no apetite to eat.

Twelve.
I prefer to watch ghost stories or movies than cite yg kejam and bunuh2. sgt ngilu and tak bole tgk. I'm the odd one compare to my housemates.

Thirteen.
I tend to like a guy that has sumthin in similar with the ones from the past. maybe sbb its really hard to move on. pathetic actually.

Fourteen.I get blush easily. and the thing that i cant accept until now, kadang2 malu wit the same sex sgt teruk compare to opp. sex. da byk kali mcm tuh especially dkt pasum dulu. my friends sume ckp pelik. tapi xpe la, nak bwat mcm mane.

The end of list. =)
People think I'm weird because:
Close Friends:
My bestie: you like to act cute when you know you are!
Hanif: u ni suke bende org x suke, n u xtau u ni kadang2 pelik.
Agy: you get blush easily!
Aishah: Boleh pendam perasaan lame2.
Haris : Awk sgt pelik, i cant tell ur happy, or sad, cant even know ur boring or amused, how busy u r, what u think of me, what u hate or like, nothin at all.
(i didnt know im that complex)

Siblings:
Ida: Ckp skema in classic malay. Ngehehe.
Yana: The way u laugh.
Ya: The way u talk.
Abe: Anda sgt membuatkan abe bahagia and akan keluar bilik kalau hang balik.
Nano: Comel? Baik? aha.

Sekian. I loike this tag, because its so me. thanx batch. ;p

People I Tag:
maliq
na
rajer
syam
badrul. =)

My Mr. Melon.

My Mr. Melon. Love you. <3

went back again this weekend because of some family matters, didnt plan to go back actually, but after receiving a phone call from ida, rushed to kl immediately after class.

sorry tarik diri last minute from kem. :((

last nite, i had to teman ida to fetch yana and reza at airport and straight away went to mydin to buy some of adam's stuffs. i did the packing for him, since everyone was busy wit some other things. adam was so excited, till he stayed up late and acted restlessly as usual la kan. dah la sgt manja and mengade smalam. nasib la adik kene layan adam. adik yg jadi mangsa.

now that adam is not around, everyone started to miss you already.

senyap dah rumah adam xde. will see you in 2 weeks time, muhd adam haikal. hope you enjoy urself there. jgn homesick k? :)

today, yana, reza, dila, jo,ida sent me off to jalan duta. serupa nak pg mane la kan. ipoh je kot. haha.

tapii, first time emosi balik ipoh. mayb because of some reasons kot. biarlah.

thank you kakak(s) and abang(s). ida jgn sedih2 k? but if im in ur place, mayb even worse kot. huhu.

ma and pa,

please take care of yourselves.

you'll always b in my prayers.

i cant stand to see you in pain.

i might not show it, but i can feel it too. :((

just wanna let you know,

i love you both, more than anythin else in this world.

abe and nano, take care k?

and ya, who's miles away, balik cepattt. i miss you!

gone.

Ive been planning to make the next visit to see my patient as soon as possible.
Thought of meeting her tomorow, in case there's a free time tomorow.
So, made a phone call. Called few times but couldnt reach her.
Tried to call her daughter as well, but the son-in-law answered.
So, talked to him, and told him to pass the line to my patient.

Shockingly, he answered: Kalai Selvi dah meninggal.

At first, I wasnt so sure, and asked him again.
The moment he told me the details and all, my heart stopped beating.

Betapa besarnya kekuasaan mu Ya Allah,
Engkau mampu mengambil nyawa hambamu bila-bila yg kau mahu.

This happens to be my first patient and the only patient that I have.
The last time I met her was in the end of August and she passed away on the 17th of September.
Never thought that it was the first and the last time I met her.
May you rest in peace.

I know i've to go thru this alone, since my CAS partner, Jad has left me for India.
Ya Allah,sakitnya perasaan ini. i just cant stop crying.

Now baru adik tau mcm mane dila and ya rase when ur patients died. It hurts so much, too painful to take it.
This is the beginning of the chapter in my life, there'll be many more to come.
Shahira, you have to be strong.

:((

To. Mr. H.

I guess I miss you. dats why im writing this.
I'm so sure that you wont be reading this, but its okay.

To you, who used to be my only bbf.

Chapter 1:
There was a jamuan on something back in form 4, during that particular time, you thought i liked some other guy anddd I could clearly remember u're teasing me mcm ape until I got blushed. Mase tuh, sumpah penat kene kacau. we didnt talk much before that, suddenly kene kacau mcm ape this one day. and right after that, we became close. Coincidently.

Chapter 2:
When most of my close friends especially annis and al left for boarding schools, I was a bit lost and it was the time you started to play your part. Starting from there onwards, we became super close, and even closer in form 5.
form 5: probs here and there, everyone was not okay, and facing huge probs including petite. I had no one to turn to. Annis was busy in ktj, susah contact and etc, so the only person I had that time was you.

You never failed to be there for me. You're with me, in every steps i took, being a part of me, a part of my life, and most important thing, my biggest STRENGTH. you know i dont tell probs to my family, and you're always there to listen from a tiny lil bit of it to the most complicated one.

Slowly, the leaves of memory falls.
Slowly, i'll gather and pick them all.

Chapter 3:
Too many memories with you, that it is so hard for me to forget them.
You texted me every single day. Before i woke up, until before going to bed. Even jumpe evryday pon, sure ade bende nak ckp. During ramadhan, sahur time, after terawih. if exam, we both stayed awake and one of us tolong kejotkan if nak tido kejap and bangun study. You called me in the middle of the night, sent me voice sms n stuffs when we both couldnt sleep. :(

Everytime i fell sick, you were so worried abt me. You know I hate going to clinics, and I hate to take meds. and u forced me to take them. and you never get tired of asking me whether im alryte. everytime i wasnt okay, and u saw me at school, balik2 je, awk msg tanye sy okay or tak.
You know everytime i cried, and sy pernah ckp u're the only guy yg sy x malu if nangis dpn awk. still remember? You know i got hurt easily back then kan?
My family knew how close we were. Ingat tak the night u texted me, and u came. after that je, I cried like crazy. evryone was so worried abt me, and you got the blame. they thought it was because of you, when we both know that its because of sumthin else. and the day I went home late, my mum called you in school, asking you abt me and all.

We used to have silly fights over sumthin, and slalunye sbb bende kecik. you know how childish we acted, tapi slalu kejap je gado. no matter how ego pon, one of us akan msg ckp x tahan gado, and we cant live without each other. the worst part when we had this misunderstanding, and u're still with ur ex that time. I told you to forget me, and stop msging me all. tapi we both got hurt badly.

You know i was so scared of lightning n thunder. Evrytime it rained heavily, i sms-ed u. awk tau sy takot. and evrytime hujan lebat, awk tanye sy okay ke tak, and whether im alone. there was this one time, when it was raining heavily, i was alone in school. awk tau sy takot, and you came to teman me. after that, awk ajak ikot for ur hand ball practise.

You know im having a great fear of being alone. dulu, u always walked me to school, everytime after tuition. and there was this one day, awk tak teman sbb kt gado. after that, sy kene ragut and i felt like crying that time. sy terus msg awk, and you were so worried abt me.

There was this one time I was so pissed off dgn sumone. I was with that particular person that time, and sy x tahan duduk situ. sy nak balik. I texted you, sbb ure bz working that time. awk terus call and ckp nak amik sy, though tgh keje.

My birthday in form 5, u and ur friends threw a surprise party for me. I got a frame with ur picture, and the other two(you know who).
My birthday before entering pasum, I was sleeping and you called me to get ready.
We went out, and xtau nak pg mane. end up, lepak dkt starbucks. sat and talked
you made my day. thank you. :)

Ingat tak lagi when we went out for a movie with others, you said you wanted to tell me sumthin but its gonna b a surpise. and that was what others told me too. You told me to wait until tues. tapi mcm nak gile that time. sume tau, and i was the only person tak tau. finally, got to know from my bestfriend. you're goin for umrah, and u didnt tell me. i was supposed to be the first to know, tapi jd the last to know, sgtt sedih. and i couldnt accept ur reasons that time. awk takot sy sedih thats why xnak bgtau. mmg merajuk gile that time and bwat mogok. told you to msg me after balik umrah je, and jgn msg before that. tp last2, tak sampai hati sbb awk ckp nanti awk x tenang dkt sane. before boarding, awk ckp awk akan msg when dah dkt sane, I waited for ur msg, and u didnt disappoint me. you texted me when u're in makkah. :)

The last time i could remember with you, when you came over and had lunch with me back in pasum.

Chapter 4:
We fought over sumthin which I couldnt really remember. and this time, its the worse. I deleted everythin about u, ur number, ur msgs and etc sbb thats the only way i thought i could forget you. and awk dah x contact langsong, not even a raya msg. sgtt sedih k. that time, i told myself i've lost you forever. my pasum friends knew how bad i was during that period of time especially aishah. you left me just like that after so many things we've been thru.
You once told me, u didnt want to lose me, and u'd rather stay single than losing me. guess those words are only words kan?

The only thing i hate the most to be in subang is, everything reminds me of you. Subang reminds me a lot of you. Memories that can never be erased.

Warisan wanita terakhir
Jiwa raga ku serah
Kau ingin milik segalanya
Di mana kasihmu tiada kau memberi
Apa yang ku perlu hanya kau dapat memberi
Hanya satu yang ku pinta kasih
Kau warisan wanita yang terakhir,
(WARISAN WANITA TERAKHIR:TEACHER'S PET)

Our fav song. :)

These are the moments,
I thank god that im alive.
These are the moments,
I remember all my life,
I found all ive waited for,
And I couldnt ask for more.
(I COUDNT ASK FOR MORE:EDWIN MCCAIN)

The song I dedicated to you, and you liked it. :)

Now that things are okay btwn us, but it'll never be the same as before.
People changed. Things changed. Evrythin is no longer the same.
and I know I dont have you.
Things are gettin awkward btwn us.
But i'll just pray for the best.

"Wherever you go, i'll be two steps behind you."

I used to tell you that, but after what had happened, me myself am not sure whether I can make it.

Trying to forget you is
like trying to remember someone I
never met.
A million words wouldn't bring you
back.
I know because I've tried. Neither
would
a million tears. I know because I've
cried.

Sat/8 NOV 08/16:16//
I: *******, I miss you!
He: hello dear, miss you too! tgh dkt mane ni?
I: dkt subang. tak balik subang ke? nak jumpe!
He: Disember ni i ade dkt subang. Nanti kite jumpe ek?

To you: I cant wait to tell that im no longer the old shahira. I want you to know that im stronger that before, and I dunt easily get hurt. I'm no longer fragile, and im not a cry-baby nemore. I want to make you become proud of me. :)

Life is an open secret.

From the very first moment Kak Farah(Naqibah) read to us few stories from this book during open usrah, I knew I wanted this book so bad. seriously.
Finally, managed to find those books and bought them! yippie yeay. :)
To rakan-rakan, these books are highly recommended. you wont regret reading it, I tell you. ;p

A groovy introduction to Islam in a very unique, relaxed writing style.
Magical stories by a magical writer. Love the book, love the message and love her ability to make divine wisdom so simple, relevant and easy to apply. :D

Have a look yea.



















The cover of the book. chomel kan?

The content of the book. =)

P/S: It has got nothin to do with what written above, tapi nak bgtau jugak. My lil baby monkey dah kene jual. not exactly mine actually. huhu. tapiii, sedihhh. after dis pg uo dah tak boleh jumpe monkey. :(

Hawa.

Tercipta engkau dari rusuk Adam.
Bukan dari kaki untuk dialasi
Bukan dari kepala untuk dijunjung.
Tapi dekat di bahu untuk dilindungi.
Dekat jua di hati untuk dikasihi.
Engkaulah wanita hiasan duniawi.

Akalmu senipis bilahan rambut,tebalkanlah ia dengan limpahan ilmu.
Jua hatimu bak kaca yang rapuh,kuatkanlah ia dengan iman yang teguh.

Sedarilah insan istimewa,bahawa kelembutan bukan kelemahan.
Bukan jua penghinaan dari Tuhan,bahkan sebagai hiasan kecantikan.

home sweet home.

im finally HOME. yeahh. HEAVEN. :)
feels good to be home. usual feelings everytime im home. aint no other place like home kann?
exam's over, so this weekend shud b a relax one, i could say.

Main Mission for tomorrow:
Ngedate bersama aliah! Its been a whileeeee since i last met my subang friends and lepak.
Everytime there's a get-together, surely shahira is M.I.A. maaflah rakan2. slalu wrong timing.
Jadi Aliah, kt akan tunaikan hasrat awk before awk balik Melaka.
Bak kata Aliah, ade kereta or xde kereta, misi harus diteruskan. dats the spirit. u go girl. teehee.

I so want to go to beach! Sgt ingin mahu. Mama, is it possible for us to go for a short vacation dis weekend? but since my parents gotta run so many errands dis weekend, sy pasrah.
Next time will do. (memujuk diri sendiri) tapi nakkk pg. dah2. dream on. nobody's goin to bring u there.

i dont care if mondays blue.
tuesdays grey and wednesday too.
thursday i dont care about you.
its friday im in love.

Semoga weekend ini indah. :)

tag oh tag.

tagged by: badrulhishamharis.

Law & Order

1) Take a recent picture of yourself or take a picture of yourself right now.
2) Don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair...just take a picture.
3) Post that picture with NO editing.
4) Post these instruction with your picture.
5) Tag 10 people to do this


cardigan+baju tido+eye bag=serabai. ;p

people I tag:

1)aliah

2)batch

3)nina

4)syam

5)maliq

6)pia

7)naadira

and i'm tagging evryone.

im done. tmrw OSPE. wish me luck. :D