goodbye.

they say, saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do.
and i say, i cant agree more.

i cant really remember, when was the last time i cried my heart out. like really really cried. its not even in my memory. until yesterday, when i sent mama, papa and ida off for umrah.
shame on me. adam pon cool je. i couldnt hold my tears when i hugged ida. they've not left yet, and all i knew i missed em already.

its not sumthin usual for me. selalunya bila hantar ma or pa or any of my family members for umrah, paling-paling pon my eyes became teary. i dont know what had taken into me this time. emotions were taking control all over me. its the time of the month i guess. boo shahira, boo. maybe this is the first time ida left me. she's the only one in the family who never leaves home and she's always been available for us, especially this manja sister of hers. and usually when ma n pa were not around, shes the one who took care of us, and the ketua keluarga in the family.
she's the closest elder sister of mine, who forever layan my kerenah, who always brings me out for jalan-jalan, and cook my favourite dishes. that explains this extraordinary emotional breakdown.

anyway, they have arrived safely. syukur Alhamdulillah. selamat menunaikan ibadah umrah ma, pa and ida. semoga dipermudahkan segala urusan di sana dan mendapat umrah mabrur, insyaAllah. i really really miss the three of u. i do. take care. love, adik.


on the other note, i'm currently missing my bestfriend dearly. can i atleast get a hug and have you temporary wit me, pretty please. just so you know, i love you!

nyata dan maya.

Cekallah sayang
Dalam menempuhi dunia ini saban hari
Adakalanya mendung jua kunjung
Bersabarlah

Ku kan selalu denganmu,kasih
Dalam jasadku yang nyata atau maya
Kerana ku terlalu mengendah
Suka dukamu setiap ketika

:)

cupcakes made by her on my birthday.

she: salam shirota. awk demam lagi ke?
moi: w'salam. kt dah tak demam. but still batuk and flu. kt baru je comment awk dkt fb. our hearts are connected kann? ;p

she: yeke?haha, biaselah. instinct! ;) tgh study ye? nak teman awk study bole?hehe. dah makan belom? kalau belom, meh kt belikan food utk awak! :)

moi: alahai. chomelnya la awk ni. thanx dear. kt da makan td. kt tgh sgt tak bersemangat nak study. tak sabar nak balik!
she: hey. kesiannya awk! do u want bubur? i can buy for u! awak, kt tanak kacau awk study. buat elok2 tau esok! :)

and i'm still smiling.

sharifah shifaa,thank you my dearest. awk adalah antara orang yg paling kt syg tau tak? youre the sweetest thing. *loves*

Pulau Manukan, Sabah. 2009

Tanjung Aru, Sabah. 2009

Riverfront, Ipoh. 2010

Waterfront, Sabah. 2009

Futsal, 2010

SSM, 2009

Lost world of tambun. 2009

midst of midnight

Its 3.30 a.m

Its currently raining in the midst of the midnight.

Tomorrow is the end of posting exam.

EMQ,MEQ,OSCE, followed by short case on thursday.

I'm currently listening to Al-kahfi by Mishary Al-Afasy.

Simply soothing, and beautifully recited. MasyaAllah.

Nothing beats the words of Allah, the most powerful of all :)


dan hati kembali merasa tenang setelah jiwa yg berkecai bercantum kembali.
its a rather heartbreaking news.
hanya padaMu kami memohon, ya Allah.
hanya Engkau yg mendengar luahan hati ini, maka perkenankanlah doa kami.
Amin.

perfect theraphy,

hello.

its finally weekend again, and here i am in Ipoh. I'll be sitting for my end of posting exam next week. sooo many things to read yet so little time. and I need to submit my three case write ups on monday but I havent started anything yet. yes, I cant seem to stay focus and I'm pretty much carried away. Its a part of medical student's syndrome. tiada yg pelik bukan. I'm down with flu, cough, sore throat and fever, all in one u see. guess its due to post hectic week, or maybe its the wheather or maybe due to all sort of infections in the PICU since ive been in PICU in a week. mungkinlah.


howeverr, last weekend was a blast. thank you Allah. dan terima kasihlah atas kejayaan pasukan bola sepak negara. kerana anda semualah kami berjaya dpt cuti pada hari jumaat where it changed everything. I wasnt in a mood, really. but then again, due to public holiday, my family came with a last minute plan to go to PD since everyone was around. PD is sumhow a place which brings sentiments to me since its where our family had spent most of our time for a vacation since we were small. mungkin sbb its the nearest place that we can go for vacation, sbb sgt susah utk semua org cuti sama time. so kalau pg cuti pon dpt pg dkt je. and since my family enjoy cooking, rather than eating outside, we choose PD of all places. sbb byk tempat yg sgt convenient utk masak dkt PD. :)

its BBQ time!

my boy. <3

heroes of Anuar. :)

adam seronok dpt abg ipar baru. :)

god knows how much ive been longing to go to beach tapi selalu ada je halangan. going to beach is like the perfect theraphy for me especially when im down. baru sy nampak hikmahnya when i finally dpt pg beach this time, plus its complete thirteen. maka, semua kelihatan sgt sempurna. i had quality time with my loved ones. thank you Allah. terima kasih kerana menggembirakan hati sy setelah melalui hari-hari yg sedih. You just know best. :)

muka gembira dapat pg beach. :D

the lovebirds. :)

p/s: didnt get to take picture of complete thirteen though. sob sob. :(

another thing, I was finally able to spend time with my loved ones. major catching up. terubat rindu! thank you batch, annis and maliq. you guys made my day! sayang korang! rindu dahhh. :(

come rain,come shine.

hello hello.
come rain come shine.

so, the climax of the whole story is my sister's wedding which i will post the pictures later. by the way, my two sisters are now officially Puan. and i'm the happiest sister alive. congratulations kakak(s).
and welcome to our big family Abg Hakim and Abg faiz. we're complete thirteen now. teehee. :D

Alhamdulillah, everythin went smoothly and turned out good. The Akad Nikah ceremony was on 18th Dec and the three receptions were on(23rd, 25th,26th).

dan saya masih rasa penat sampai hari ni walaupun bukan sy yg kawin due to the back and forth journey: Taiping-Ipoh-Subang Jaya. had to go back every weekend before the wedding to help out with the wedding preparations, when the schedule was super packed, with tonnes of workload. i was more like a walking zombie, when i slept only for few hours almost every day. no one to blame but me, guess my imsonia is gettin worse. the worst thing is, everytime i feel too tired, its harder for me to doze off. ironically ironic, it is.

and now im back in ipoh. these 2 weeks gonna be equally hectic, im pretty sure. so, good luck to myself.

ive got another confession to make. letting go is always the hardest thing to do. people always leave kan, and nothing stays forever. i hafta double agree with that. my sisters were sent off to the grooms family right after receptions at groom's side where they have to stay there for a week. it feels different, if you get what i mean. i was so used to have everyone around. it doesnt feel right when one of us left. its the bond btwn us. its true that blood is thicker than water.

i was so used to wake up in the morning with full of noises in the house. and it feels so good when the house is congested with too many people. it just doesnt feel right when the house is empty and you hear nothing but silence. its awful.

a home is never a home without these people. nothing beats the feeling of being home. its the other side of me when im with them.

Bukit Cerakah, 27th Dec 2010.

papa would kiss me on the forehead gently to wake me up for subuh prayer. mama would always cook favourite dishes for her children everytime we get back. elder sisters and brother would always treat me like a manja baby, where i would do the same thing to the younger ones. and the best thing is when you get countless warm hugs that never fail to make you feel better and thats about them, my loved ones, my spinal cord.

rindu dah. :(

serenity

Taman Tasik Taiping, 14th december
1800-1900



















one fine evening:

mother: look at those trees, can you spot the white color on the trees? its actually a bird.
father: try to count the birds, and tell me how many are there. you see, now u can still count them but just wait a little while, there will be many more that you cant count them anymore.
son: really mummy, daddy? wow.
one bird, two bird, three bird..
father: they look so tiny, arent they? but after this, you'll notice pretty flowers on those trees.

after a while:

son: mummyy, look! the birds are flying over there.
mother: yes dear. the birds are finally going home. look at the way they fly and finally landed on the trees. they actually have a skill. isnt it amazing?
son: yes, they look so amazing.
son: daddy, look daddy. (jumping excitedly) there are so many of them that i cant count anymore!
son: oh no. they are going away now.
mother: they are not going away, honey. they are calling their friends to come home with them.
'come home, come'
son: no wonder there are so many of them after one and another.
mother: arent they pretty? it seems like paradise.
son: what is paradise, mummy?
mother: paradise is a very high class place, honey.

and they watched the sunset silently.

i listened quietly and smiled all the way while watching the view at its best.
the smile upon my face is the refection of my heart, cuz deep down, i know my heart smiled too.

its all about the tranquility, of serenity. i enjoyed the breathtaking view, and i enjoyed myself listening to the conversations of an anxious 6 year old child with their parents.

at the end of the day, i told myself, i want to be that kind of mother too.
its just so chomel, dont you think so.

=)

sunshine

today's weather's forecast:

i'm feeling much better than yesterday, and i guess i started to adapt myself.
had a meet up session with my studygroup mates regarding some matters and it feels so good to be able to gather up the 8 of us again. guess i'm so used to have them around, that it feels so weird when we are not able to see each other that often.

semua posting lain kann. and semua pon sgt busy. susah dah nak jumpa. akan rindu! 2 hari pon dah rindu. am i being too mushy here?

korang korang semua, saya sgt gembira dapat jumpa korang tadi. betul, tak tipu. thank you desh, for the short trip tadi. and it was raining heavily. walaupun kejap, terasa sgt sweet. and thanx muadz terpaksa layan ktorg. we're family, afterall kan? ;p
saya tau saya terlebih gula hari ni. finee.

Sadesvaran Muniandy

Had a short trip wit OSG mates from Coll to UO then to Masjid Parking. Looking forward for the next trip. Thanx to Mr Heavy Rain - Aseerah Ahmad, Shahira Anuar, Rd Ai'nulkhair and Muadz Mohtar and Mealiella Omar.

• Rd Ai'nulkhair what is OSG? nway sorry susahkan desh! huhu.THANX A BILLION! :)
• Shahira Anuar omg desh. i was just about to post sumthin like this. korang so chomel lah. tak kisahla short trip pon, still had a great time. thank youuu desh! :)

  
  
• Sadesvaran Muniandy hahahaha..
  

  kite kan satu kepala, mesti lar tindakan pun lebih kurang sama
  hehehe
• Aseerah Ahmad hahaha tu la! cant wait for the taiping trip! ^ ^

and it's never a coincicident. I was reading God's Love letter where i found this. nothing beats the power of ur love, O'Allah. thank you Allah, for making me smile again. :))

"Allah lah yg mengirimkan angin, lalu angin itu menggerakkan awan, dan Allah membentangkannya di langit menurut yg Dia kehendaki, dan menjadikannya bergumpal-gumpal, lalu engkau lihat hujan keluar dari celah-celahnya, maka apabila Dia menurunkannya kepada hamba-Nya yang dia kehendaki tiba-tiba mereka bergembira, padahal walaupun sebelum hujan diturunkan kepada mereka, mereka benar-benar telah berputus asa-
Ar-Rum:48-49

"Allah lah yg menciptakan kamu dari keadaan lemah, kemudian Dia menjadikan kamu setelah keadaan lemah itu menjadi kuat-Ar-Rum:54)

amazing kan? subhanallah. I love you Allah, always. :)

dyspnea

Its only the second day of phase 3A, but everyone's complaining about their postings. guess it was a bad day for most of us, and im pretty sure we shared the same feelings equally on our very first day of 3a. kejutan budaya mungkin. i gotta admit i was a bit down yesterday, and its due to multifactorial causes. everything has changed drastically, and turning to the point of 360 degrees from nil.

we're all suffocating, arent we? baru 2 hari tapi dah terasa susah nak bernafas.

"its only the first day of 3A, but i feel so stressed, 3A is so stressful"
" korang pernah terasa nak quit medic tak?"

those were few lines from my friends.

pastu gerun tgk seniors 3A. they are in the midst of their final btw. semua muka sgt stress dan tak okay. heard both papers were really tough.
pastu status facebook semua org pon sgt depressing. our batch stress masuk 3A yg super busy, while seniors stress exam yg sgt susah. konklusi, semua stress. and its soo depressing i tell you.

lets take a deep breath. its the process of adapting. i'm sure everythings gonna be fine, sooner or later. kt semua kena kuat.

tapi sy pon tatau kenapa terasa sgt lemah semalam. penat dah pujuk diri sendiri. its the time of the month i guess.

"Your family won't change, your friends won't change, people around you won't change, but its you who need to change yourself in order to survive."

one of my friends said this to me yesterday. and i gave myself a deep thought of it. its true kan? :)

horizontally vertical.

Alhamdulillah.

Final was over. results were out, and i could finally breathe again. all praises to Allah, it was way beyond my expectations, and yes, i was out of words. its the greatest feeling ever to see your parents smiling widely, and to make ur siblings proud of you. its like a rainbow day for me. i guess all the hardwork finally paid off. berkat study dalam jemaah dan yg paling penting, rezeki Allah bagi. semua ni milik DIA, insyaAllah sbg pemangkin masa depan. :)

thank you everyone for the prayers.

and and the climax of the story is all of us passed this exam. together we created a history, and we shall remain this in the future, insyaAllah. lets say NO to supplement. seronok dapat masuk phase 3a dgn semua. :D




i have a confession to make. if any of you happen to read this post, (mel, tira, raden, iylman, naqib, desh, muadz) just wanna let you know that you guys are awesome and the best of the best. i'm so happy to be part of this study group. syg korang sgt2 lah. thank you(s) for everything. hanya Allah yg dapat balas jasa korang. and i had great time with you guys, and paling penting tak rasa sekelumit stress pon dgn korang.
congratulations on passing guys. remember our plan after exam? am really looking forward to it :))

and oh, thank you to my subang friends for ur never-ending support and prayers. you know who you are kan? sangat terharu n syg korang semua. you guys are very much appreciated, and totally missed. :) :(
please stick with me, and stand by me thru out my journey sbb korang semua adalah pemangkin sy.

this is specially for u maliq: thank you sbb selalu bg semangat, and layan stress kt, semua pre and post exam syndromes dari zaman pasum, sampai lah sekarang. sorry sbb selalu cari awk. please dont ever get tired of me okayy? ill always treasure that. :D


its sunday and tomorrow is monday. its the monday blues again. blergh. mungkin sbb cuti kejap sgt.
so, say Hello to Monday, and please treat me good.

the most important thing is, Hello Phase 3A, and my new groupmates, Goodbye Phase 2. its gonna be a tough road ahead, im pretty sure. good luck semua!
goodnight.

Dear Allah,

I guess i'm too tired. but i know i wont give up. it will never happen. ill fight till the very end. its the final lap, and all i have to do is keep on running steadily,carefully. I need strength from u, O'Allah, as i'm only a humble servant of yours.

I know u always listen. please be with me in every steps that i take. and i always need YOU the most.

its not wrong to feel tired sometimes kan?
its almost there shahira. tomorrow is the day. you gonna win the battle, insyaAllah.
good luck to phase 2 students!

"Don`t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side"

courtesy of incik naqib.

“Ya Haiyyum, Ya Qayyum, dengan rahmatMu daku memohon pertolongan. Baikilah seluruh urusanku, dan janganlah Engkau serahkan diriku ini kepadaku walaupun sekelip mata”

"Wahai Tuhanku, lapangkanlah bagiku, dadaku; "Dan mudahkanlah bagiku, tugasku; "Dan lepaskanlah simpulan dari lidahku, "Supaya mereka faham perkataanku"

(Taha : 25,26,27)

hello,
can you hear me?
am i gettin through to you?

guess u've been gone for too long.

A Gritos de Esperanza

while studying silently, at the very same spot, in front of the window, staring at the night dark sky,
with the breeze of cold air, and its a raw drizzling rain outside.

and i just cant help myself from being distracted for a while.

*5 minutes break.

rinduuu. hmm. =(




i need a break. not exactly a break. but a perfect get away instead. mind me, its the pre-exam syndrome again. BUT but, even "drugs need a holiday"-quoting Dr. Sabitha. only if you get what i mean.

okay dah. get back to study. please stay focus.

you.

dear you(you know who you are),

terima kasih anda,
simpy for everthing.
thank you for listening patiently without hesitations,
thank you for always making me feel better,
thank you cuz you never failed to be there for me,
thank you for those advises that i would always treasure.
thank you for always being understanding.
and thank you for being just you.

just wanna let u know, that ure very much appreciated.
now that ive spilled it out, guess i'm feeling much better.

sorry for the troubles, and hopefully ull never get tired of me.

terima kasih anda, you made my day. =)

dancing in the rain. =)

And if you keep falling down, don't you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you'll find what you need to prevail.

And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close
Don't be afraid, there's nothing you can't face
And should they tell you, you'll never pull through
Don't hesitate, stand tall and say

I can make it through the rain, I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain.


imma tough cookie afterall. =)

megalomaniac.

"I just feel we are not like we used to be, thats all"

and thats a totally ouch. i know things are not the same anymo. and we both have changed. but at least, im trying hard to make things better, cant you see? i guess its forever me who remembers every single thing, and you did not even bother to remember, nor you care. memories are not mend to be forgotten, and promises are not mend to be broken. ive told you once, n now ive told you twice.

at least, please remember that I used to be a part of your life, and you used to be someone important to me.

awk tu ego sgt. tapi sampai bila?

i'm so disappointed.

stand by me

When the night has come, and the land is dark,
And the moon is the only light we see,
No i won't be afraid, oh I won't be afraid,
Just as long as you stand, stand by me.

If the sky that we look upon should tumble and fall,
Or the mountain should crumbe to the sea,
I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear,
Just as long as you stand, stand by me.

=)

goodbye Medicine.

Its kinda relief that medicine posting is finally over. its just too hectic especially yesterday when we had 2 bedside teachings with dr.Hla and dr. Mra, but Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah when everything went smoothly and it ended well. compared to the very first all-mixed-up-feelings, i hafta agree that medicine aint that bad afterall. one thing for sure,its real challenging and you gotta be all prepared for it. anyhoo, surgery is always my first of choice, so far. we'll see how it goes for another 2 postings left.

and oh, Hello Orthopaedics. please treat me well, so I will like you too! :)

Exam more or less in 2 months time but i havent started anything yet. I can see the changes in atmosphere.

The best theraphy after a packed and hectic week, is going back to the place where i belong, home sweet home.aint no other place like home, definitely. ;)

Oh monday blues.

bismillahirrahmanirrahim, pembuka kata. =)


so here i am, feel like writing again. after some time. yes. i only write when i feel like writing.

and here i am, gaining the semangat which was apparently gone few days before the holiday was about to end. the semangat is back, after i went back home again, after being in ipoh for only 3 days. nothing beats the feeling of being home. its always something beautiful and i would always appreciate every single second at home with my loved ones.


my family has always been my priority on top of everything. and i always look forward for holiday to come, plus when the siblings are all around. was looking forward to spend our quality time together. its the best feeling ever when we're complete. its the strong bond which is unbreakable that make us what we are.


n oh btw, my 2 sisters are getting married soon and they're gettin married at the same time, on the same day, insyaAllah. cool innit? i was out of words when i heard the news. its the mixed feelings again. of course i was trully happy for them, but at the same time, i cant deny that its hard for me to let them go. kalau boleh taknak sape2 pon kawin, and lets stay together forever dgn mama n papa. ok, thats so the childish side of me. abaikan. tapi saya sgt gembira ok. tell me who doesnt. my prayers will always b wit u. adik loves you both! :))


I had this monday blues awal drpd semua orang since classes started early and i dreaded the thought of going back to ipoh early when my family still on hols.
As mama was sending me off at the bus station, she started to shed some tears. sy pon start lah emo kan tp berlagak macho. then:

nano: nano dah rindu adik. =(
abe: lain bgn pagi2 adik takde, missing you dah le.
ya:nape balik ipoh awal sgt. i miss you. =(

maka hati dan jiwa raga terbang melayang dkt rumah. and kakak forced me to come back home again, jadi saya pon pulanglah. (plus the sarung cincin occasion) IPOH-SUBANG JAYA aint that far though. =)
kami semua mmg tak boleh berpisah, cause we are simply inseperable.

and the day before nano went back, she had this super duper chronic monday blues. she even cried few times, and cried again when she hugged me and abe.
"nano taknak balik sepang"-sepang je kannn. see how chronic it is.
my sister who was studying in sarawak used to has even worse symptom everytime nak balik sarawak. it runs in the family i guess. heh.

these are my fun and happening siblings. =)

EID MUBARAK 10

my pillar of strength. <3>

its been 9 years we've grown up together, and i am still couting. =)

saying goodbye is always the hardest thing to do. i miss you already. period. see you next summer, bestfriend.

p/s 1: and they are the reasons that keep me smiling. *loves*
p/s 2: Medicine posting is about to end in less than a week. semangat, please stay still, and remain as the way it should be. I'll behave, i promise. =)

unnamed feeling.

this song has always been my favourite. dulu, kini, selamanya. something sentimental to me.







Lyrics | Warisan Wanita Terakhir lyrics

then, the unnamed feeling,
it comes alive,
then the unnamed feeling,
takes me away.

and its funny that most of the time when i feel like writing, its actually raining on the outside.
its the unnamed feeling, again.

pride and dignity

mari kt sama-sama mengucapkan syukur Alhamdulillah kepada Allah atas segala nikmat kurniaaNya. one word, Alhamdulillah. we managed to end it with pride and dignity kan rakan-rakan group 8. so, mission accomplished. fair enough. (tiru ayat Dr wong) we ended surgery posting with 2 classes in a row with Dr Wong. enough to make my heart going all dup dap dup dap. Dr. Wong is definetely something something. and you must be well prepared or you'll smell the sarcasm everywhere. its not a bad thing though. the pressure is there, and yes bedside teaching with Dr. Wong is forever fun to me.

im so in love with surgery posting. like really really in love. pastu asyik berangan nak jadi surgeon lah kan. btw, i know i have to be mentally and physically prepared for the busiest posting ever, Medicine. dan mungkin jugak saya akan menghadapi PMS( Pre Mra Syndrome) tachycardia again. what more, its gonna be on Ramadhan.im so gonna take the challenge, so bring it on. heh. ;)

saya tak nak jadi orang yg suka mengeluh. no matter how bad its going to be, saya akan cuba utk tidak mengeluh. saya tak nak semua amalan saya sia-sia. saya selalu rasa kalau saya mengeluh, sia-sia semua pahala saya. saya nak menjalani hidup ni dgn tenang je. nawaitu kt penting, barulah kt akan rasa manisnya melakukan amal makruf nahi munkar tu kan. dan belajar tu pon ibadah, jadi jgnlah kt cepat merasa lelah dalam menuntut ilmu. =)

went to ceramah umum by Ustaz Hasan Din just now. the title itself is meaningful enough. "Mengenang Badar, Mengintai Qadar" isi-isi yang sungguh menarik dengan maksud2 yg tersirat and tersirat. makanan hati yg sentiasa dahagakan pengisisan rohani. mmg berkait rapat dgn hidup kt, cuba correlate Perang Badar pada bulan Ramadhan and perjuangan kt yg tak seberapa dalam menuntut ilmu dan melawan segala nafsu dalam bulan Ramadhan. renung-renung kan lah. =)




p/s: Ramadhan is coming soon. rindunya Ramadhan. semoga kami diberi peluang bertemu Ramadhan ini Ya Allah. Ahlan wa sahlan Ya Ramadhan. ;)

please guide me in every single way, O Allah. I love you, always!

Hiding from the rain and snow,
Trying to forget but I won't let go,
Looking at a crowded street,
Listening to my own heart beat.

last slide prepared for english presentation.

That rain is gloom and sunshine happiness is rather metaphorical. kann? but well, it depends. ;)


p/s: saya rasa nak pergi beach je sekarang.
oh, pretty please. ada tak org nak bwk saya?




Standing on a mountain high,

Looking at the moon through a clear blue sky. =)